If The Baseball Season Ended Today…

The people of Baltimore would finally have a reason to be happy about baseball. The rest of the world would be pretty confused as to why the baseball season had been reduced to three games.

Other things that would be true if the baseball season ended today:

• People who paid $125 for MLB.TV would be furious.

• The New York Mets would make the playoffs, but would not have money to buy champagne.

• Jeremy Hellickson would win the Cy Young.

• David Wright’s .667 batting average would surely be some sort of record.

• The Rays would make the playoffs, but no one in Tampa Bay would notice. (Note: This will probably happen six months from now too.)

• We’d finally get to have a World Series that didn’t have home field decided by a stupid all-star game.

• Ubaldo Jiménez would have to serve his spring training-induced suspension next season.

• Everyone who works for the Yankees would be fired.

• Everyone who works for the Red Sox would be fired, but they’d be too drunk to notice.

• Ozzie Guillen would be free to go on a nationwide lecture tour about how much he respects the world’s dictators (Fidel Castro, Hugo Chávez, Kim Jong Un, Justin Bieber, etc).

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