Well, it’s about time.
Grumpy Cat, the beloved scowling kitten and 2013 Webby Award winner for Meme of the Year, has inked a big-screen movie deal, it was announced on Wednesday night. She’ll star in a full-length feature film from Broken Road Productions — the company that brought you Ice Cube’s Are We Done Yet?, Kevin James’ Zookeeper, and Adam Sandler’s Jack and Jill.
Here’s the most important thing: Grumpy Cat’s manager tells BuzzFeed that the movie will be live-action, and Grumpy Cat herself — not a cartoon or CGI stand-in — will appear on screen. With that established, we can really go to town with speculation over potential plots and co-stars. Here are several possibilities:
1. A Buddy-Cop Comedy Co-Starring Lil Bub
Featuring Grumpy as the grizzled, humorless veteran cop and Bub as the eager rookie, the mismatch of personalities causes a whole lot of headaches but may just be the force’s best chance to catch a major jewel thief!
2. A Grinch Who Stole Christmas Remake
Except her shriveled, blackened heart never does become full again. A forest of Christmas trees catches fire, the holiday season burning to the ground.
3. A Suburban Drama About a Cat Who Was Too Scared to Follow Her Dreams
Banality, regret, resentment, and self-hatred create a toxic stew for a bloated cat who finds an old photo and can’t even recognize herself as a kitty. Where did it all go wrong? And who’s to blame? A reckoning is coming, but will it mean the end or a new beginning?
4. Grumpy Cat’s Junky Reckoning
A cautionary tale of what happens when fame comes too fast and people give you everything that you want. A wrecked Grumpy Cat has to get clean and face the consequences and find a way to a new, refocused life.
Someone get Ewan MacGregor on the phone right now.
5. A Heady Legal Drama About Copyright Laws and Identity Theft
Grumpy Cat has to travel around the country trying to reclaim her identity from the thousands of vendors and individuals who have capitalized off her face. Things get thorny when no one believes that she is the actual Grumpy Cat, and the conspiracy runs deep.
6. Secretly, Grumpy Cat Scored a Major Part in the New Star Wars Series
Meet Darth Kitty.
8. Struggling Wordsmith Grumpy Cat Suffers Terrible Writer’s Block, Existential Terror
This is a direct adaptation of the Coen Brothers’ Barton Fink and has nothing to do with this author.
9. An Existential Space Adventure
Heralded and heroic astronaut Grumpy Cat finds herself in space for an indefinite amount of time as the space station needs serious repairs. Staring off into the nothingness of forever, she begins to question her place in the universe — tiny, insignificant, an atom on a mite on a speck of dust in the scheme of things — and wrestles with her purpose. Can we live rich lives knowing they won’t really matter? Is love infinite? Does anything matter?
10. A Satire on the Frivolity of the News Media
Following Grumpy Cat in a new career in the media, the film skewers so-called “hard news” programs that devote so much of their time to fluff pieces. Disenchanted, Grumpy gives up journalism, but a tip on an international conspiracy gets her back in the game and on the search of a lifetime.