I watched all seven and a half minutes of this. If you need a summary to prove it, here goes. She proudly proclaims herself a gold digger and then tells you, the viewer, how you can be a gold digger just like her. She talks about getting breast implants and then having her hymen sewn back together so she can pass herself off as a virgin. She also recommends white lipstick, which draws attention to one’s skills at fellatio. She then goes on to discuss where to meet rich men who want to marry young girls. She says she met her husband through the computer, but if that doesn’t work for you, you might want to try stalking these men in person. Finally, as to what types of men make good husbands for gold diggers, she suggests going after hasbeens. To find their names, just ask your grandparents what their favorite movies are or find out who won an Oscar in 1997. Her potential future husbands include Burt Reynolds (who “loves to get married”), Bronson Pinchot (who is “disgusting” but gets royalty checks), and Ronald Reagan. Upon being told by someone offscreen that Reagan is dead, she says, “Marry a corpse? Even better!” She then excuses herself to join her husband in the jacuzzi or possibly have pasta prepared in her fabulous new kitchen. That’s about it. She does that “sexy baby” laugh about once every 20 seconds or so, by my estimate. Do I win? Is the Internet over now?