1. You have plans looming. Fill yourself with toxic levels of dread.
2. Carefully select your flake out excuse.
More free excuses:
-My cat just became psychic.
-Just realized I have an overdue library book.
-I accidentally traveled back in time.
-Just got arrested.
-My Netflix account feels neglected.
3. Push guilt and all other feelings to the bottom of your self consciousness.
5. Soar to freedom on the wings of an eagle.
6. Take off your pants as soon as humanly possible.
7. Hide in a cave forever.
- Sierra Leone is investigating a new Ebola death after a woman who was believed to be the country's last known case was discharged from the hospital last week. ›
- Lawyers for the NFL and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady failed to reach a settlement in the deflategate case. A decision is expected by Friday. ›
- Thai police have issued two new arrest warrants as the search widens for the suspects behind Bangkok's deadly shrine bombing. ›