1. Friend your crush on Facebook.
This is the obvious first step toward developing any and all meaningful relationships. But be careful, a Facebook friend request sends a bold and assertive message that you can’t take back. Use it wisely. And if your crush isn’t on Facebook, may god have mercy on your soul.
2. Like one of their Facebook statuses or photos, but dear god, not too many!
Throwing down with a “like” proves to your crush that your Facebook friendship is more than just symbolic. But BE COOL. If you’re liking multiple photos at 3 a.m. you’ll look like someone with a heart of gold who just cares too much.
8. If your crush says something funny, make sure they see that you laughed.
If your crush makes a joke, even if it’s from across the room, make sure your laughter is audible. The louder you laugh, the more likely your crush is to see you for the amazing person that you are. So just keep laughing really, really loud. Louder. Even louder. Yes, that’s it.
10. If you’re forced to speak to each other, try making a dumb comment about the weather.
The weather is the perfect fall-back topic for when you realize you suck at having conversations. Seventy-eight percent of people fall in love while talking about whether or not it stopped raining.*
*Not a real statistic
13. Replay every minor interaction the two of you have ever had.
If you said something really dumb to your crush, don’t worry. There’s an easy way to fix it. Just replay that moment over and over again until you hate yourself. THEN, you can be sure you won’t make the same horrifying mistake next time.
14. Wear your dumbest outfit, just in case you run into them.
If you want to increase your odds of bumping into your crush, make sure you look really bad. If you miss your crush, just roll around in some garbage and he or she should come right around the corner.
15. Text something vague and noncommittal—wait NO! You should’ve let them text first! What are you doing?
If you have each other’s phone numbers, wait patiently forever for that text you’ve been dreaming of. And if you decide to text first and they don’t respond right away, that’s when you need to change your name and make a new life for yourself in another city. It will be hard leaving behind your job, your friends and family, but you made your choice. And now you must go.
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