1. The Professional Beer Pong Player
For this person, beer pong is not a game. It’s a way of life. Their heart beats to the splash of the Ping-Pong ball. They hold everyone strictly to “house rules” and they will probably yell at you.
(Or “Beirut,” calm down.)
2. The One Who Dressed Weird for No Reason
Maybe he’s wearing a fake beard, a wig, a cape, or a very special hat. Maybe he even rented a gorilla suit. Thing is, it’s not Halloween. It’s not even a theme party (which, in college, is rare). And nobody really knows why he’s doing this. “Party time” is reason enough.
3. Deep Convo Spiraler
Are you ready to get real? Because this person is drunk and just took Philosophy 101 so get ready for some truth bombs. And if you don’t like truth bombs, better hide in the bathroom because the minimum time on this conversation is five hours.
4. The One Who Awkwardly Hits on Everyone
Not unlike the guy who hands out breadsticks at the Olive Garden, this one is making the rounds and he/she will find you.
5. The Scavenger
Nothing in the kitchen is safe from drunk people. Nope. Not even that.
6. Overdressed Fancies
Obviously, everyone should wear whatever they want. But 5-inch heels seem like an odd choice for an unfinished basement where everyone is drinking Everclear and Kool-Aid out of plastic cups.
7. The Scallywag
If someone passes out at a party, there’s never a question in anyone’s mind as to what should be drawn on their face. It’s gonna be a penis. Every time.
Rest assured, these are the same people who build snow penises on the quad.
8. The Drunk Paparazzo
This one cannot let a single party moment go by undocumented. Once these photos are posted, everyone’s gonna FOMO so hard.
9. The Aggressive Shot Pusher
Yes, yes, we’ve all heard the song. No, please don’t start singing it. Fine, fine, we’ll all take a shot as long as you stop yelling.
10. The Marijuana Crusader
Marijuana Crusader discreetly assembles his marijuana crew to go to the designated marijuana area to smoke marijuana.
11. The Sleeper
The Sleeper just got a lil’ tuckered out. But right after this nap it’s back to partying. Possibly with a penis drawn on the face.
12. The Playlist Hijacker
The Playlist Hijacker is a control freak ready to take this party to the next level, so climb aboard their spaceship of sweet jams.
13. The Singer
The Singer is belting out today’s hottest top 40 hits whether you like it or not. Either that or instigating a Radiohead singalong. Have you ever heard 20 drunk people screaming the lyrics of “Karma Police”? Oh, you have? I’m so sorry.
14. The Antisocial Couple
Nothing sets the mood for an intimate, romantic date like 50 other people spilling beer on you while you ignore them.
15. Stealth Hookup-ers
They’re doing it right now.
16. The One Who Could Puke at Any Second
There’s always that one person who’s not looking too good.
17. The Creative Drinker
The Creative Drinker doesn’t need cups. Just give them the bottle and get out of the way.
18. The People That Tell Everyone They Want to Dance
Whether there’s dancing or not, they will let you know that they want to dance. Probably more than once. “We wanna dance!” they’ll say. And then someone is supposed to do something about that.
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