Mason Jars Are Ending This Charade Once And For All

It’s over.

1. Hey, there. It’s me. Your best friend, Mason Jar.

ID: 1791239

2. Wait! Wait. Before you spray paint me and fill me with flowers, please hear what I have to say.

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3. I’m serious. Don’t do this. Ugh, fine.

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4. If that’s the way you wanna play it.

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5. We need to talk. I think it’s time you saw other glassware.

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6. I hope this doesn’t come as too much of a shock. What we had was really great. I wished those nights we spent together on Pinterest would never end.

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7. But our love has become a bastardization of what it once was. Just look at these plastic faux jars they sell everywhere now. It’s only hurting us both.

N. Short
ID: 1791487

8. I’ll never forget all the crazy times we had together. Remember when you tried to turn me into a terrarium? Man, what the hell were we thinking? We were so innocent then.

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9. I’m forever grateful you never saw me as “just a jar.” You’ve truly proven that a mason jar can be used for anything, from a chalice for mashed-up cake to a noble vessel for other kinds of mashed-up cake.

ID: 1791693

10. But I fear your conquest to apply glass jars to all aspects of life could descend into madness.

ID: 1791779

11. It’s certainly physically possible to stuff pizza or a live fish inside of me. But that doesn’t mean that you should.

ID: 1791930

12. I can’t be there for you every single time you want to incorporate rustic charm into your life.

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13. And, quite frankly, I think it’s time you asked yourself why you have such an insatiable need for rustic charm in the first place.

Shouldn’t there be another tiny mason jar inside the glass vase inside the mason jar? FAIL.

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14. But until you figure that out, you’re going to have to stick with wrapping stuff with twine and reclaimed wood, because I’m out.

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15. It’s time we both moved on. On those cold nights when I’m filled with seashells or a blueberry vodka lemonade with a sprig of thyme, I long for the days when I was vacuum sealed and filled with tomatoes or peaches.

ID: 1791868

16. I’ve got a life to live. And you’ve got yours. Maybe today is the day you open your eyes, and more importantly, your heart, to other containers.

ID: 1791934

17. Don’t pin me, I’ll pin you,

ID: 1791937

18. Mason Jar

ID: 1791938

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