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19 Life Lessons From Pitbull

Mr. Worldwide has many ass-related gems of wisdom.

1. It’s possible to have “an ass like a donkey, with a monkey.”

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Now we know.

2. You can be both a biggity boy and a diggity dog.

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Pitbull proves they’re not mutually exclusive.

3. You can always shake more.

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If you think you’ve hit the ceiling on “shaking it,” you’re wrong. Dead wrong.

4. Move your ass in a manner that honors the 1968 film “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”

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“Mami move that ass like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” says Pitbull, knowing that when it comes to butt-centric dance moves, your butt can’t go wrong if it references a classic film about a magical car.

5. Get money twice.

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Easy enough.

6. Freaking > Teaching

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If you have to compare teaching and freaking, and we do, one is the clear winner. And’s that’s freaking. Obviously. Just ask Pitbull, he’ll say “Teach me baby or better yet, freak me baby.”

7. If you look up in the sky and think you see a bird or a plane, it might just be Pitbull.

 

8. Hustlers move in silence.

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Shhhhhhh. Loud hustling will not be tolerated.

9. If you’re having doubts about whether or not Miami is in the house, don’t.

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Miami is in the house—WITHOUT A DOUBT.

10. First you clown, then you go down.

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That’s the natural order of things.

11. You have to be tiptoeing if you want to keep blowing.

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Them’s the rules, blowing enthusiasts.

12. You can hit a home run without playing baseball.

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Pitbull doesn’t play baseball, but he’s hit a home run “everywhere, everywhere.” This is either referring to succeeding and accomplishing your goals or having sexual intercourse in a lot of places. Either is fine.

13. Miami’s area code is 305, in case you need to call there.

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It’s OK if you forget though, Pitbull is happy to remind you.

14. If your girl wanna play, let her go.

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Just let her go, man. She wants to play.

15. They can’t, they won’t, they never will stop the party.

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Pitbull has been hard at work fighting an evil anti-party force, referred to only as “they” for their name is so evil you dare not speak it, or risk summoning the dark force of a million stopped parties.

16. Wild things love to do wild things.

Frank Augstein / AP

 

Maurice Sendak failed to mention that you can do the aptly named “wild thing” with a wild thing, but Pitbull reminds us: “She’s a wild thing, and she loves to do wild things. So we did the wild thing.” He’s got it covered.

17. You can make a billion dollars out of 15 cents.

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Smart investing at its finest.

18. The club is on fire.

Steve Marcus / Reuters

 

Pitbull will be the first to let you know when you need to safely evacuate.

19. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to wear a vest.

Jason DeCrow / AP

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