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10 Common Decorating Dilemmas Solved (Not Really)

Home decorating comes with many challenges. Best to just give up now while you still have some dignity left.

1. Distracting from an ugly couch

You’ve got a couch that’s super ugly but super comfortable and you can’t bear to part with it, or simply can’t afford a new couch. There are simple things you can do to distract from a couch that’s the color of saag paneer, or puked-up saag paneer. Each time a guest comes over, if he or she starts to look at your couch, just yell “Hey! Look over here!” to divert attention away from the couch. Drop a glass or bang on some pots and pans. Just create any kind of distraction so that no one notices your hideous couch.

2. Combining masculine and feminine styles in one room

If you want to create a balanced look so a room isn’t overpowered by floral patterns or wooden carvings of mallards, a few touches here and there can make your decorating gender neutral. Go online and buy educational, plastic models of both the male and female reproduction system to display on a shelf, in a china hutch, or wherever they look best. Once you have a 3D model of a uterus, you can add as many wooden mallards as your heart desires.

3. Getting creative with storage

It can be hard to find a place to store all your extra crap, but that doesn’t mean it has to be boring, or worse, in a plastic bin. Mason jars are a great place to store off-season clothing. Buy them in bulk. One mason jar can hold approximately one wadded-up t-shirt or about half of one bunched up sweater. (Sweaters will need to be stuffed into two to three jars.) Once you’ve smooshed all your clothes into the jars, they make an adorable centerpiece for your dining table or floor.

4. Livening up a dull room

Sometimes a neutral-toned room just needs a little extra something to give it character. That’s why color is your friend. And adding small amounts of color into your decorating is called a “pop of color” for some reason, which is really stupid, but we all have to deal with it. Fortunately, adding a pop of color is really easy. A standard bag of M&Ms has six different colors, so pick up a bag at your local food store and spill it somewhere in the room to add that extra “pop.”

5. Deciding on a furniture layout

Figuring out exactly how to arrange all your furniture can be very tricky. Once you’ve moved all the pieces around, it can look different from what you envisioned, or worse, not fit the way you want it to. But there’s a simple method for finding that perfect furniture arrangement. First, move all of your furniture out of your home and down to the curb. Next, go on Craigslist and post what’s called a “curb alert” so that people know there’s free furniture outside. Finally, go inside, roll around on the floor, and enjoy all your extra space.

6. Decorating on a budget

If you can’t afford to drop a load of money at Restoration Hardware, it can be daunting to try to decorate your space. The internet is filled with fun, cheap and creative “DIY” decorating projects if you like that homemade junk look. But no one does. So you’re out of luck. Looks like you’ll have to spend your money on food and leave decorating to the people with disposable income.

7. Selecting the right paint color

Deciding what color to paint your interior walls might seem difficult because there are so many options, but it’s actually the easiest decision you’ll ever have to make. Finding your paint shade is really simple. Just go with the first shade that matches up with the first three letters of your first name. So, a William would choose Wild Stallion Brown or a Melissa would choose Melted Butter Yellow. Kelly would go with Kelp, etc.

8. Managing clutter

Clutter can creep into all of our lives but there are some interior design “hacks” to help prevent clutter from starting in the first place. Whenever you see clutter starting to pile up on a surface in your home, light a small, controlled fire (always with a fire extinguisher on hand) until the clutter is burnt away. This should keep things looking nice and streamlined.

9. Attaining a “shabby chic” look

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what shabby chic means. Does anyone? My best guess is to get the mangiest feral cat you can find, wrap it up in a clean, white linen sheet and hang it from a chandelier.

10. Mixing antiques with modern pieces

How do you display that family heirloom without making your whole aesthetic look dated? You can’t. The world no longer has a need for antiques. In the near future all antiques will be replaced with robots or holograms so best to hide all antique items underground where the government can’t get to them.

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