The Annoying Couple’s Guide To Grocery Shopping

Time to ruin other shoppers’ lives. posted on

1. If you’re in a relationship, you have to take a journey to the Love Zone, also known as the grocery store.

2. Going grocery shopping together is the ultimate expression of your love.

3. And if you were heading to the store solo for an efficient shopping trip STOP RIGHT THERE. You must bring your significant other or your love shall die.

4. As a symbol of your relationship moving forward, you must share a love-mobile, also known as a cart.

5. Remember to walk as slowly as possible around the store together, savoring every moment.

6. Take up as much space as possible to remind everyone that your love is infinite.

7. Don’t forget to hit up the dairy aisle, also known as “The Makeout Aisle” or “Lovers’ Lane.” The chill in the air means cuddle time!

8. It’s OK to block the aisles, it just proves your love can withstand any obstacle, like other shoppers.

9. On second thought, it’s a little rude to block the aisle UNLESS you’re having A MOMENT.

10. Watch everyone else in the store become inspired by your love.

11. Before you pick up anything, discuss the product in great detail. This isn’t just grocery shopping, it’s building a solid foundation to your love futures.

12. You might be asking “Do we really need to discuss everything we buy right there in the store?” DUH. This isn’t a game.

13. One person wants crunchy and the other wants creamy? Talk it out. Take all the time you need.

14. Everyone else will wait patently for their turn at the peanut butter. We understand.

15. No really, harken back to your childhood memories of peanut butter right there in the aisle.

 

16. Make an informed decision together—one wrong peanut butter choice and that’s the end of your relationship.

17. If one person wants regular Cheerios and the other one wants Dulce de Leche Cheerios, have a debate.

18. Go ahead and turn your Cheerios debate into a Cheerios lovers’ spat if the need arises.

19. Go ahead and turn your Cheerios lovers’ spat into passive aggressively throwing the other kind of Cheerios into the cart and walking away.

20. Head back to “The Makeout Aisle” because you forgot the milk, but also to recapture the magic.

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