19 Perfectly Reasonable Ways Abercrombie & Fitch Could Make A Comeback

Let’s recapture the lost magic of the early aughts. As a company mired in controversy and dropping sales, Abercrombie & Fitch has to do something.

1. Replace the sexy models with adorable bunnies.

2. Start selling self-serve frozen yogurt.

3. Tell everyone that if they don’t buy the clothes, these poor shirtless models have to go in a cage.

Hannes Magerstaedt / Getty Images

 

4. Take this concept and run with it.

Nick Fisher / Via laughingsquid.com

5. Make the perfume smell like Cinnabon to trick people into entering the store.

Abercrombie & Fitch

 

6. Kidnap Ryan Gosling and make him wear the clothes.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

7. Hypnotize people into believing “casual luxury” is a thing.

 

8. Start an LFO tribute band.

Jason Kirk / Getty Images

9. Spread the rumor that all the other mall stores are full of swarming bats.

 

10. Start making the clothes out of pizza.

11. Give customers complimentary gas masks and ear plugs before entering the store.

 

12. Start selling fishing lures and guns again.

 

13. Spread garbage around the stores so the clothing will seem far more appealing by comparison.

Chris Keane / Reuters

 

14. Get a time machine, round up all the 13-21 year olds, and send them back to 2001.

 

15. Or, use that same time machine, go back to 2001, round up all the 13-21 year olds, and bring them to the present.

 

16. Hide candy inside all the graphic tees.

17. Summon the ghosts of David T. Abercrombie and Ezra Fitch and ask them if it was cool to have Teddy Roosevelt shop at their store. And then ask them for help.

Wikipedia

Wikipedia

 

18. Destroy civilization as we know it. Then, in the post apocalyptic climate, establish polo shirts as the only form of currency.

Abercrombie & Fitch

 

19. Make CEO Mike Jeffries wear shoes.

Abercrombie & Fitch / Via starcasm.net

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