A Definitive Ranking Of All The Terms For Sex

Do residents of Pound Town pay taxes in the Bone Zone?

ID: 3039692

46. Bumping Uglies

Who says this? Really weird uncle.

ID: 3034951

45. Riding The Bologna Pony

Who says this? A slightly older neighbor kid who taught you too much about life.

ID: 3034986

44. Smushing

Who says this? A guy who compulsively pounds his fists together.

ID: 3034987

43. Porking

Who says this? A guy who was already eating pork anyway.

ID: 3034989

42. Poking

Who says this? A virgin who is afraid to look at his own penis.

ID: 3035001

41. The Horizontal Tango

Who says this? A guy who is wearing a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned halfway.

ID: 3035010
ID: 3038996

40. The Beast With Two Backs

Who says this? NERD

ID: 3035012

39. Coitus

Who says this? A man who has watched “Weird Science” too many times and believes that he could probably fashion a girlfriend that way if he tried hard enough.

ID: 3035018

38. Hanky Panky

Who says this? Really weird aunt.

ID: 3035024

37. Making Love

Who says this? Michael Bolton.

ID: 3035025

36. Making Babies

Who says this? Someone who owes child support in multiple states.

ID: 3035028

35. Knocking Boots

Who says this? A riled up folk singer.

ID: 3035034

34. Doing The Nasty

Who says this? Mrs. Jenkins, from three houses down the street. The one with the big garage sales.

ID: 3035029
ID: 3038979

33. Ramming

Who says this? A man who learned everything he knows about sex from watching Discovery Channel nature vids and is super confused about how elephants “do it.”

ID: 3035037

32. Drilling

Who says this? Someone who eats Funyuns.

ID: 3035043

31. Nailing

Who says this? A malnourished-looking teen boy skater who does not have any idea what he is talking about but is trying to fit in with his friends, who pity him.

ID: 3035046

30. Boom Boom

Who says this? Someone trying to get their DJ career to finally take off.

ID: 3035048

29. Boinking

Who says this? Someone eating a hot dog while talking about sex.

ID: 3035051

28. Bonking

Who says this? Someone who has pointed to their bedroom and said “This is where the magic happens.”

ID: 3035056

27. Getting Lucky

Who says this? Frisbee golf champion, and Pharrell.

ID: 3035061

26. Sexy Time

Who says this? Someone who self identifies as “adorkable.”

ID: 3035065

25. Sexing/Sexing One Up

Who says this? A middled aged man wearing a metallic shirt sitting at a bar right this second drinking a martini.

ID: 3035068

24. Rolling In The Hay

Who says this? Frisky folk singer.

ID: 3035070
Ian Gavan / Getty Images
ID: 3038898

23. Humping

Who says this? Someone who probably says “vajayjay.”

ID: 3035075

22. Making Whoopee

Who says this? Excitable old timey people time traveling from the past.

ID: 3035077

21. Laid Down Together

Who says this? Mythical creatures whispering gossip in the forest.

ID: 3035864

20. Screwing

Who says this? Mimosa guzzling friend who tries to make you feel guilty.

ID: 3035078

19. Doing The Wild Thing

Who says this? Tone Loc.

ID: 3035079
ID: 3039152

18. Popping A Vitamin F

Who says this? Someone who uses Yahoo! Answers.

ID: 3035082

17. Taking The F Train

Who says this? Actually, no one.

ID: 3035084

16. Hooking Up

Who says this? College freshmen.

ID: 3035088

15. Sleeping Together

Who says this? Your married friend asking about your sex life.

ID: 3035091

14. Going To Pound Town

Who says this? The official mayor of Pound Town.

ID: 3035093

13. Going To The Boneyard

Who says this? Someone who wears a trench coat.

ID: 3035095

12. Hitting That

Who says this? The girl in your class who started smoking cigarettes at 13 whom your mom wouldn’t let you hang out with after school.

ID: 3035096

11. Shagging

Who says this? A British person or an American who even in 2014 can’t stop quoting Austin Powers.

ID: 3035098

10. Roger/Rogering

Who says this? James Bond, in private, probably.

ID: 3035099

9. Intercourse

Who says this? A doctor making intense eye contact.

ID: 3035109

8. Fornicate

Who says this? Your middle school youth pastor.

ID: 3035111

7. Tapping That

Who says this? Your older brother’s lacrosse friends.

ID: 3035103

6. Know Someone In The Biblical Sense

Who says this? Your overdramatic friend from book club.

ID: 3035822
ID: 3039545

5. Banging

Who says this? Your cool and slightly edgy friend.

ID: 3035100

4. Doing It

Who says this? 12 year olds.

ID: 3035117

3. Fucking

Who says this? Someone cutting loose and saying a swear word.

ID: 3035120

2. Having Sex

Who says this? Most people.

ID: 3035166

1. Boning/Going To The Bone Zone

Who says this? Frat guys and ladies being ironic.

ID: 3035168

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