WorldWhat Would Your Country Do #IfAfricaWasABar?There's so much truth in satire.By by Jina MooreBuzzFeed News World CorrespondentUpdated on July 28, 2015, 12:41 pmPosted on July 28, 2015, 9:27 amTwitterFacebookLink It started simple enough. Siyanda-Panda @SiyandaWrites If Africa was a bar, what would your country be drinking/doing? 04:28 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Then Kenya quite quickly made an appearance as the newly-rich, grabby guy who has no idea how to handle his money, or how long it will last. Shiko @ShikoNguru @SiyandaWrites Kenya would be the loud "new money" drunk, telling everyone about his cousin Barack who done made it in the States 05:26 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Ikua Macharia @Di_Macharia #IfAfricaWasABar Kenya would be drinking Moet & Chandon on borrowed money. 04:44 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Nanjala Nyabola @Nanjala1 #IfAfricaWasABar Kenya would be the guy who takes out a loan to pay for bottle service. 07:06 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Then Zimbabwe swaggered in... ArmyOfOne @Ricky27_263 .@SiyandaWrites Zimbabwe is drinking whiskey on borrowed money whilst telling the lender "you ain't shiiiiii. . & you must respect me" 05:30 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite ...still waving the flag of its anti-colonial fight, no matter how tattered Robert Mugabe has made the thing... Tinashe @TheGaryCahill #IfAfricaWasABar Zimbabwe would be telling stories about how it fought the bouncers to get inside 05:41 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite ...and brokering power while everyone was paying more attention to other things. Mr Wonderful @NickkTitan #IfAfricaWasABar ...Zimbabwe would be at the entrance, negotiating. 05:38 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite South Africa got slammed for xenophobia. Siyanda-Panda @SiyandaWrites #ifafricawasabar South Africa would be drinking all kinds of alcohol and begging them to get along in its stomach... 04:37 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite And for its bad borrowing habit. Chasing Summer :) @itsMissMash #ifafricawasabar South Africa would be ordering bottles it can't pronounce running a tab it won't be able to pay 04:54 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite And for that thing South Africa does where it's all, "So, we're not really Africa." Nanjala Nyabola @Nanjala1 #IfAfricaWasABar South Africa would be the neighbourhood kid who drank on your tab but acts like he doesn't now you since he got famous. 09:10 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite pachalonomsa @blAckstarZamani #IfAfricawasABar South Africa would be that girl insisting she is not african. 🏃🏃🏃 06:19 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Ghana felt assured of its place in the world, for no specific reason. Siyanda-Panda @SiyandaWrites #ifAfricawasabar Ghana would be that guy who gets drunk and starts - for some reason - talking about how much God loves us all 04:40 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Rwanda showed up and defied all expectations. ❤mimi Amina ❤ @MimiMimzamina #IfAfricaWasABar Rwanda would be the corner quietly drinking their milk 05:02 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Marie @so_africane #ifAfricawasabar Rwanda would be that girl that comes with no money and no transport but leaves drunk, happy and rich 05:20 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite While Tanzania practiced, yet again, how to save face. Mr Wonderful @NickkTitan #IfAfricaWasABar ...Tanzania would be that group of girls that dont get approached all night so they claim it was a "Girls Night Out" anyway 05:42 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite And tiny, unstrategic Lesotho somehow still managed to make it about itself. Stina Knowles @PILLAY_CGLM #IfAfricaWasABar Lesotho would be that person who nobody really knows but is always in the pictures. 06:39 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Angola, emerging favorite character in stories about overlooked power and wealth, naturally rolls in late. Vimbai❤ @_misz_vee #IfAfricaWasABar Angola would step in late like.... (Grand entrance) 06:17 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite There's a tweet about the country's president strong-arming a third term, against previous interpretation of its constitution. Ryan Cummings @Pol_Sec_Analyst #IfAfricaWasABar #Burundi will be that guy on the phone promising his wife he'll just be staying for two drinks whilst ordering a third 07:23 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite And one straight-up about outsiders. Phil Moore @fil #IfAfricaWasABar there would be a load of groupies hanging around outside claiming they know what's going on inside better than the barstaff 08:32 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Phil Moore @fil @itsjina I wasn't talking about foreign corresp'ts… That'd be: #IfAfricaWasABar the hacks would hog the pool table & wait for a bar-fight ;) 11:37 AM - 28 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite This foreign reporter (ahem), like Lesotho, assumed it was all about her — but @fil nailed the foreign reporters down even better in his correction. This is possibly the best micro explanation of colonialism ever written. Manji Cheto @ChetoManji #IfAfricaWasABar Europeans would spike all the drinks then sell antidotes to everyone at a later date 08:57 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite And this is a good addendum. Nanjala Nyabola @Nanjala1 #IfAfricaWasABar its signature drink would be called "power" and France would be the bartender who always over serves. (Last one, promise) 05:58 AM - 28 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite This one is about "volun-tourists" who, we know, are young and sweet and mean well but just can't stop coming over here to save things. drew hinshaw @drewfhinshaw #IfAfricaWasABar a bunch of American teenagers would show up every summer to paint it. 09:06 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Some of them don't need much explanation. blackynextdoor @fatoumaxo_ #IfAfricaWasABar Congo would be the one coming just to numb the pain. 07:33 AM - 28 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Little Hansel @little_hansel #IfAfricaWasABar South Sudan would be the new guy with serious anger management issues. 05:53 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Even in this imaginary bar, there's undeniable realpolitik. And the Chinese are always really in charge. sexypartynigga @MduThaParty #IfAfricaWasABar Nigeria would own it. 04:37 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Kariuki Kambo @kariukikambo @SiyandaWrites Kenya would grab that bar. #ifAfricaWasAbar 07:27 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite (We got a big land grab problem here in Kenya.) Little Hansel @little_hansel #IfAfricaWasABar China would be its main alcoholic distributor. 05:31 PM - 27 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite Hashtag creator Siyanda Mohutsiwa said it just seemed like a fun way to spend a Monday night. Siyanda-Panda @SiyandaWrites @itsjina I thought it would be a fun way for Africans to laugh at themselves and each other by putting geopolitics in a comedic light. 07:37 AM - 28 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite