1. While putting away their laundry, subtly safety-pin all their clothes together in the drawer and WAIT FOR THE FIREWORKS.
2. Glue a quarter to the driveway and wait for them to come home from school and try to pick it up. HILARITY ENSUES.
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3. When they’re at school, move everything around in their room and don’t tell them. Do this for like a week straight.
4. Speak Spanish around them for a whole day with absolutely no context and don’t tell them why. Throw in some yelling.
5. Convince them they are a ghost and nobody else can see them. Don’t let them go outside because they might stop existing if they leave the house.
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6. Swap their pants out with bigger pants that look exactly the same and when they notice tell them they’re shrinking because they didn’t eat their damn veggies.
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7. Put blue food coloring in the milk carton and when they look surprised tell them it’s cursed milk now and ask if they believe in witches. BREAKFAST IS SERVED. IT’S A BOWL FULL OF LAUGHS AND CONFUSION.
8. Replace their bathroom mirror with a LCD monitor that plays a loop of what the bathroom looks like so they’ll think they don’t have a reflection. Wait until they contemplate that nonsense and then run in and yell VAMPIRE VAMPIRE VAMPIRE over and o
9. Put all their cereal in the wrong boxes so when they go for Frosted Flakes they get Oat Brain. OWNED. MOM ONE. KID ZERO.
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