Which MLB Team Namesake Would Win In A Battle Royale?

Find out which team is the best based on how well their namesake would do in a fight with this in-depth, irrefutable analysis.

Methodology

• I will be adhering to the normal MLB setup. The whole shebang. Only instead of a long season, there are a series of fights to the death. This simulation is based off of the 2012 season, so the Astros are still in the National League.

• All teams will have one fighter (with one exception). For instance, one Chicago Cub vs. one Pittsburgh Pirate.

• Namesakes will be ranked on a scale of 1-5 on their offense, defense, athleticism, and intelligence, along with any miscellaneous skills or attributes.

• Mascots do not come into play; teams will be represented by their namesake and their namesake alone. This means that the Phillie Phanatic is not a combatant, which is probably for the best, as I’m quite sure he’s a Lovecraftian monster, against which there is no hope for victory.

Here we go!

What Did We Learn?

• Not Much.

• This World Series happened the exact same way it did in real life. I take this as proof that my analysis is completely correct, and that the Giants are the most dangerous namesake in the MLB, followed by the Tigers.

• I want to stress one more time that these conclusions are irrefutable. I ran the data (that I made up) through a supercomputer (my imagination) and put it all together in this scientific chart (an hour in Photoshop.) Any disagreements are completely without merit.