Just bought so many cute things at @Forever21. So sweet, while shopping someone at the store put my whole album on. Fun music to shop too.
While she’s certainly never lived paycheck to paycheck, former famous person Paris Hilton is much like the rest of us, just hustling to survive. Recently inking a deal to man the ones and twos at an Ibiza nightclub, resort town disc jockey is just another in a long line of unconventional job titles tried and tested by the heiress. Unsatisfied with an idle life spent purchasing Chihuahua clothes on QVC and cashing “That’s hot” trademark royalty checks, Paris Hilton approaches any paying job with a skip in her step and a wonk in her eye. Here are a few career highlights from the résumé of the hardest-working gal in showbiz.
Back before her grandfather Barron Hilton pledged 97% of his fortune to charity, Paris was really into doin’ up the whole heiress thing. Tiaras, small dogs, bottle service, Backstreet boyfriends, and Kitson shopping sprees were de rigueur. Back in the halcyon days of the early aughts, Hilton stood to inherit an estimated $100 million, but will now receive closer to $5 million after tax. Time to update your LinkedIn, girl.
Using her special blend of charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent, Paris Hilton once took the runways by storm modeling the finest couture and starred in ads for fashion’s most sophisticated brands, such as Heatherette and Guess.
Can you imagine a world without cultural touchstones like Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom or Keeping Up with the Kardashians? It’s hard to fathom, but without Paris Hilton’s groundbreaking performance in 1 Night in Paris, Farrah Abraham would be with baby Sophia back in Iowa and we’d all be like, Lord Disick who???
Paris Hilton’s 2004 literary debut, Confessions of an Heiress, includes an excerpt extolling the heiress’s penchant for burner phones:
“NEVER HAVE ONLY ONE CELL PHONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE MANY. Lose one all the time. That way, if you haven’t called someone back, you can blame it on the lost phone. It’s very important to get a new model the minute it comes out. Nokias, Ericksons, Motorolas — those are the coolest. Always have at least two numbers: a friend line and a business line. If I feel like avoiding a call, I answer my phone in a phony British accent and say, “Hello, Paris Hilton’s line,” or something like that.”
Nokias, Ericksons, and Motorolas ARE the coolest! Timeless advice.
While co-starring with former BFF Nicole Richie on her breakthrough reality series, The Simple Life, Paris positioned herself as just another salt-of-the-earth, hardworking American buying “wall stuff” at Walmart and sanasa’ing through the heartland of our nation. Her most iconic gigs include…
With starring turns in classic films like House of Wax and The Hottie and the Nottie earning her the coveted Worst Actress of the Decade award at the 2010 Razzies, all we can say is that Paris Hilton tried. E for effort.
Despite a notoriously high bestie turnover rate, there was a time, not long ago, when real humans beings in America, Britain, and Dubai competed in humiliating challenges to befriend Paris and avoid the dreaded phrase: “TTYN” (Talk To You Never). When asked if the series would ever return, Paris stated, “I’ve really enjoyed doing it, but I have enough BFFs.” Amen.
During the 2004 presidential election, Paris donned a sassy baby tee that implored Americans to get to the polls or, you know, just stop breathing altogether. The choice was yours. Luckily, the rules don’t apply to Paris, who was never a registered voter to begin with and is still alive to this day.
Say what you will, but “Stars Are Blind” is actually a fairly catchy, albeit pedantic pop song. However, Weezy must’ve liked what he heard since Paris recently inked a record deal with his Cash Money label.
Whether out of the goodness of her heart or as part of 200 hours of court-mandated community service, Paris, like Gandhi, knows “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in others.”
If you want to buy handbags and accessories that appear to be straight out of 1999, Paris Hilton’s got your back. You can even smell like her if you’ve saved enough cash to drop on prestige scents such as Can Can, Fairy Dust, Dazzle, or Paris Hilton Sheer.
While not yet one of the world’s highest-paid DJs, Paris Hilton has traded in dancing on tables for turntables. Her skills may be questionable, but at least her new profession is keeping this derelict off the streets: