Used to mean: 3 a.m.–4 a.m.
Now it means: Anytime past 11 p.m.
Used to mean: The SPF 8 you slathered on before hitting the beach.
Now it means: ::marinates body in SPF 45::
3. “Blacked out”
Used to mean: Too many alcoholic beverages led you to short-term memory loss the night before.
Now it means: Passed out from exhaustion on your bed at 8 p.m. still wearing your work clothes.
Used to mean: A blessing that lets you eat and drink whatever you want.
Now it means: A sluggish curse that sends every slice of pizza directly to your thighs.
Used to mean: A show about people who seemed sooooo old.
Now it means: A show about people younger than you.
6. “So drunk”
Used to mean: Doing so many shots and beers!
Now it means: Having two glasses of sauvignon blanc on an empty stomach.
Used to mean: Not being able to stop your face from breaking out.
Now it means: SERIOUSLY I’M OLD SHOULDN’T THIS BE DONE BY NOW?!?!?
Used to mean: Something that would totally cripple you.
Now it means: ♫ On to the next one ♫
Used to mean: RAGE ALL NIGHT.
Now it means: I just want to ::sit down:: and watch some nice music. Is that too much to ask??
Used to mean: Something your parents complained about.
Now it means: Ouch my esophagus oh my god ow ow ow NOO oh god
11. “A jerk”
Used to mean: Someone you dated anyway, because he’s *so cute.*
Now it means: Nope, nope, no way, bye.
12. “Young people”
Used to mean: High school students.
Now it means: Literally all twentysomethings.
13. “New clothes”
Used to mean: Blowing $80 on a few trendy things at Forever 21 or H&M.
Now it means: Those Theory pants look so classic. And comfortable!
14. “When I was your age”
Used to mean: Something you said ironically.
Now it means: Something you say wistfully and with complete earnestness.
Used to mean: A hostel or the Super 8.
Now it means: Anywhere with a decent bed and points you can get on your credit card.
Used to mean: Something you got after working out or lifting something heavy.
Now it means: Something you wake up with EVERY FREAKING DAY.
17. “Classic rock”
Used to mean: The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and CCR.
Now it means: Music you listened to in high school. :(
18. “Dark circles”
Used to mean: Something you’d wake up with under your eyes if you didn’t get enough sleep.
Now it means: Something you wake up with.
Used to mean: The decade you wore boot-cut khakis and rocked out to Avril Lavigne.
Now it means: The decade high school students were BORN in.
Used to mean: Stuff you fill up your car with.
Now it means: Stuff that fills your intestines if you even LOOK at Taco Bell.
Used to mean: Something that happened to your parents or your friends’ parents.
Now it means: Something that happens to your friends.
Used to mean: Slamming shots before you hit the club.
Now it means: Slamming green juice before you hit the hiking trails.
23. “Wrinkle cream”
Used to mean: The Olay Regenerist that lined your mom’s bathroom cabinet.
Now it means: Discussing eye serums with your friends, and taking notes.
24. “Getting up early”
Used to mean: Waking up at 9 to pregame before the football game.
Now it means: Waking up at 9 to get to the farmers’ market early. (The good tomatoes go SO fast.)
25. “Being single”
Used to mean: Being the fun one who could flirt up at a storm at the bar.
Now it means: Being the only one not posting photos of your toddler on Facebook.
Used to mean: WOO HOO PARTY TIME!
Now it means: ::clutches intestines at the mere thought::
Used to mean: A fun fantasy you have about the cute person on your soccer team.
Now it means: A fun fantasy you can never act on because they, like everyone else, are already married. :(
Used to mean: Something that’d crush your soul if you found out someone was talking about you.
Now it means: Lol, who cares?
Used to mean: Your signature dance move.
Now it means: You’re over 30. You don’t get low.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The NFL has upheld Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈