Used to mean: 3 a.m.–4 a.m.
Now it means: Anytime past 11 p.m.
Used to mean: The SPF 8 you slathered on before hitting the beach.
Now it means: ::marinates body in SPF 45::
3. “Blacked out”
Used to mean: Too many alcoholic beverages led you to short-term memory loss the night before.
Now it means: Passed out from exhaustion on your bed at 8 p.m. still wearing your work clothes.
Used to mean: A blessing that lets you eat and drink whatever you want.
Now it means: A sluggish curse that sends every slice of pizza directly to your thighs.
Used to mean: A show about people who seemed sooooo old.
Now it means: A show about people younger than you.
6. “So drunk”
Used to mean: Doing so many shots and beers!
Now it means: Having two glasses of sauvignon blanc on an empty stomach.
Used to mean: Not being able to stop your face from breaking out.
Now it means: SERIOUSLY I’M OLD SHOULDN’T THIS BE DONE BY NOW?!?!?
Used to mean: Something that would totally cripple you.
Now it means: ♫ On to the next one ♫
Used to mean: RAGE ALL NIGHT.
Now it means: I just want to ::sit down:: and watch some nice music. Is that too much to ask??
Used to mean: Something your parents complained about.
Now it means: Ouch my esophagus oh my god ow ow ow NOO oh god
11. “A jerk”
Used to mean: Someone you dated anyway, because he’s *so cute.*
Now it means: Nope, nope, no way, bye.
12. “Young people”
Used to mean: High school students.
Now it means: Literally all twentysomethings.
13. “New clothes”
Used to mean: Blowing $80 on a few trendy things at Forever 21 or H&M.
Now it means: Those Theory pants look so classic. And comfortable!
14. “When I was your age”
Used to mean: Something you said ironically.
Now it means: Something you say wistfully and with complete earnestness.
Used to mean: A hostel or the Super 8.
Now it means: Anywhere with a decent bed and points you can get on your credit card.
Used to mean: Something you got after working out or lifting something heavy.
Now it means: Something you wake up with EVERY FREAKING DAY.
17. “Classic rock”
Used to mean: The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and CCR.
Now it means: Music you listened to in high school. :(
18. “Dark circles”
Used to mean: Something you’d wake up with under your eyes if you didn’t get enough sleep.
Now it means: Something you wake up with.
Used to mean: The decade you wore boot-cut khakis and rocked out to Avril Lavigne.
Now it means: The decade high school students were BORN in.
Used to mean: Stuff you fill up your car with.
Now it means: Stuff that fills your intestines if you even LOOK at Taco Bell.
Used to mean: Something that happened to your parents or your friends’ parents.
Now it means: Something that happens to your friends.
Used to mean: Slamming shots before you hit the club.
Now it means: Slamming green juice before you hit the hiking trails.
23. “Wrinkle cream”
Used to mean: The Olay Regenerist that lined your mom’s bathroom cabinet.
Now it means: Discussing eye serums with your friends, and taking notes.
24. “Getting up early”
Used to mean: Waking up at 9 to pregame before the football game.
Now it means: Waking up at 9 to get to the farmers’ market early. (The good tomatoes go SO fast.)
25. “Being single”
Used to mean: Being the fun one who could flirt up at a storm at the bar.
Now it means: Being the only one not posting photos of your toddler on Facebook.
Used to mean: WOO HOO PARTY TIME!
Now it means: ::clutches intestines at the mere thought::
Used to mean: A fun fantasy you have about the cute person on your soccer team.
Now it means: A fun fantasy you can never act on because they, like everyone else, are already married. :(
Used to mean: Something that’d crush your soul if you found out someone was talking about you.
Now it means: Lol, who cares?
Used to mean: Your signature dance move.
Now it means: You’re over 30. You don’t get low.
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