27 Reasons Perkins Is The Holiest & Most Perfect Of Restaurants

On the eighth day God created the Mammoth Muffin. And all the Lord’s people said AMEN.

1. Perkins is basically what would happen if a classic diner and God had a baby together.

2. They make the best drunk food.

3. …and the perfect hangover food.

4. I don’t think you heard me. I said PERFECT.

5. Everything is served on amazing plates that make you feel like you’re at your grandma’s.

6. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or seen a MAMMOTH MUFFIN?

7. MAMMOTH MUFFINS.

8. They go well with the HUGE URN of coffee you’ll get for your table when you order a cup.

I only drink my coffee out of huge urns now.

9. Perkins is partially so popular because you and your friends could hang out there late at night, after everything else in suburbia was closed.

10. Just this simple table setup will take you back to the soothing days of chilling here after high school dances.

11. And ordering breakfast even though it’s 3 a.m.!

12. Yep, they’re open late, so you can, uh, take a nap if you want.

Next to your coffee urn.

13. Or make out with someone in your car in the parking lot.

Not that you would EVER do that.

14. Paying at the register is convenient and allows for handy bakery impulse buys.

Two dozen sugar cookies? Don’t mind if I do!

15. Like a piece of peanut butter silk pie that you will eat with your hands when your car stops at a red light.

16. Or a cinnamon roll that’s wearing a fedora of frosting.

17. The desserts in that case were always larger than life. Can God make a Perkins pie so big he can’t eat it?

18. Their hot chocolate wears an adorable whipped cream hat.

19. This is the adorablest little milkshake you’ve ever seen.

20. LOOK AT THIS ENORMOUS PLATE OF HOME FRIES.

21. Because sometimes you just need a quesadilla.

Flickr: Chapparall / Creative Commons

22. Or pancakes covered in WHIPPED CREAM and SPRINKLES:

23. Or FUCK IT ALL, chocolate FUCKING chips.

24. Or a CAULDRON of ranch dressing for your fries.

Don’t act smug. We’ve all been there.

25. Even babies have been known to hitchhike solo to Perkins, just to experience the tenderness of a Perkins burger.

26. And the 55+ menu means even your grandma is down.

27. Thanks for being you, Perkins. In the name of pancakes and waffles and an ark full of syrup, amen.

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