27 Reasons Perkins Is The Holiest & Most Perfect Of Restaurants

On the eighth day God created the Mammoth Muffin. And all the Lord’s people said AMEN.

1. Perkins is basically what would happen if a classic diner and God had a baby together.

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2. They make the best drunk food.

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3. …and the perfect hangover food.

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4. I don’t think you heard me. I said PERFECT.

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5. Everything is served on amazing plates that make you feel like you’re at your grandma’s.

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6. Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Or seen a MAMMOTH MUFFIN?

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8. They go well with the HUGE URN of coffee you’ll get for your table when you order a cup.

I only drink my coffee out of huge urns now.

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9. Perkins is partially so popular because you and your friends could hang out there late at night, after everything else in suburbia was closed.

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10. Just this simple table setup will take you back to the soothing days of chilling here after high school dances.

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11. And ordering breakfast even though it’s 3 a.m.!

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12. Yep, they’re open late, so you can, uh, take a nap if you want.

Next to your coffee urn.

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13. Or make out with someone in your car in the parking lot.

Not that you would EVER do that.

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14. Paying at the register is convenient and allows for handy bakery impulse buys.

Two dozen sugar cookies? Don’t mind if I do!

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15. Like a piece of peanut butter silk pie that you will eat with your hands when your car stops at a red light.

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16. Or a cinnamon roll that’s wearing a fedora of frosting.

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17. The desserts in that case were always larger than life. Can God make a Perkins pie so big he can’t eat it?

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18. Their hot chocolate wears an adorable whipped cream hat.

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19. This is the adorablest little milkshake you’ve ever seen.

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21. Because sometimes you just need a quesadilla.

Flickr: Chapparall / Creative Commons
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22. Or pancakes covered in WHIPPED CREAM and SPRINKLES:

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23. Or FUCK IT ALL, chocolate FUCKING chips.

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24. Or a CAULDRON of ranch dressing for your fries.

Don’t act smug. We’ve all been there.

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25. Even babies have been known to hitchhike solo to Perkins, just to experience the tenderness of a Perkins burger.

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26. And the 55+ menu means even your grandma is down.

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27. Thanks for being you, Perkins. In the name of pancakes and waffles and an ark full of syrup, amen.

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