16 Breakfast Cereals That Should Be Obliterated

Seriously, do not eat these if you want to have a good day.

1. Grape-Nuts

NEITHER GRAPES NOR NUTS. IF IT LOOKS GROSS AND IT TASTES GROSS, IT PROBABLY IS GROSS

2. Apple Jacks

PINK MILK NO THANK YOU PLUS THE GRAINY RESIDUE ICK

3. Life

I ASKED FOR CEREAL NOT A PH.D. IN PHILOSOPHY

4. Muesli

COULD YOU BE ANY HARDER TO PRONOUNCE OR ENJOY

5. Kix

TOO SPHERICAL THE BIMBO OF CEREALS

6. Rice Krispie Treats Cereal

WHAT’S THE MATTER RICE KRISPIES AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU SNAP CRACKLE AND POP ARE ROLLING IN THEIR GRAVES

7. Cream of Wheat

HOW COULD YOU EAT THAT AND NOT GET SAD

8. Chex

WANT PROOF THAT CHEX SUCKS? THE ONLY TIME ANYONE LIKES IT IS WHEN IT’S WITH OTHER STUFF

9. All-Bran

NOTE TO MR. KELLOGG: THE POINT OF MOST CEREALS IS TO DISGUISE THE BRAN

10. Trix

THAT RABBIT MUST HAVE DIABETES BY NOW AMIRITE

11. Wheaties

I’VE ONLY BEEN AWAKE FOR TEN MINUTES AND I HAVE TO STARE AT PEOPLE WHO’VE ACHIEVED MORE THAN I EVER WILL

12. Cookie Crisp

HEY AS LONG AS YOU’RE FOOLING YOURSELF WHY DON’T YOU JUST USE HAAGEN-DAZS INSTEAD OF MILK

13. Corn Flakes

MMMM HOW ABOUT SOME CORN ON THE COB PULVERIZED AND FLATTENED INTO A FLAKE-LIKE CONSISTENCY YUM OH WAIT NO

14. Oatmeal that comes in a packet

LIFE TIP NOTHING GOOD HOT COMES IN A PACKET

15. Cap’n Crunch

HOPE YOU WEREN’T TOO ATTACHED TO THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH

16. Special K

SO IT’S ONLY FOR LADIES WHAT A MISANDRIST PIECE OF CRAP

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