1. Velveeta “Cheese”
Sure it sounds like a logical idea to package cheese with a resealable tin foil. But, coincidentally, Velveeta tin foil likes to tear in erroneous patterns, rendering it impossible to reseal properly without leaving one exposed part of a corner which you have to tear off every time you use it.
We know it’s delicious and it looks great when displayed like this, but wouldn’t it make more sense to stack it up neatly? There is no indication of where to cut the package at, and when you do, you can’t figure out a way to properly count and peal apart the slices without bringing along a couple more with it. Not like I’m complaining about the latter.
3. Philadelphia Cream Cheese
Same idea about the Velveeta applies to this common brand of cream cheese. Except that we know cream cheese is, well, creamy, and that you have to scrape your knife about, cutting little holes and making new tears where you ultimately have to fold over and patch areas you might have punched already.
4. Louisana Hot Sauce
“The Perfect Hot Sauce”. Mostly. Except every time you use it, the top of the bottle becomes more and more encrusted with spicy ancestors of former delicious sauciness. This is especially annoying if you decide to open the top right above your plate of food, only to be annihilated by spicy bites of sauce particles.
5. Frozen Pizza
Too drunk or lazy to cook? Well, don’t hesitate to rip a Jack’s pizza out of my freezer and lay out destruction to my countertop. No matter how you decide to take a frozen pizza out of the package, it is always liable to cause a mess. This is not to mention that it’s an unsuspecting challenge to fit the cardboard into any trash without making it look full.
6. Heinz Ketchup
So, Heinz already butchered the word “catsup”, they might as well ruin my french fries by practically taking an army to get it out of the bottle! By the time I’ve passed it around the table I am likely to lose half of my friends because they have to show me to “hit the 57” to get it out. How often does that work, though?
You gotta hand it to French’s for inventing the “crust-free” top. However, it still doesn’t prevent the inevitable… mustard piss.
8. A Pound of Coffee
Though it isn’t very difficult to open or reseal, who has the time or patience to do so at 7:00 in the morning? We just want the damn coffee, regardless of freshness.
9. Pre-packaged Lettuce
A great time-saving invention, but how many times must we dig through the bag to find the “good” pieces of lettuce? And how do you expect me to keep this stuff fresh, when there is no proper way to reseal this thing? I guess… tape?
10. Freeze Pops
This may be less annoying and more nostalgic but there is no defining way to open a freeze pop. Some might be a grab-some-scissors-from-the-drawer, some may tear with their teeth, and the very few will take the squeeze-it-hard-enough challenge only to be disappointed that it tears right down the middle, making it next to impossible to enjoy.