1. Some people are natural born drivers.
They love nothing more than the wind in their hair, their foot on the pedal and the sound of a roaring engine.
2. You are not. You’ve never really had the slightest notion what it actually means to “drive a car.”
3. It feels like your suburban friends have practically been driving since they could walk.
4. People tell you it’s an “important skill” that you “need to learn.” You remain unconvinced.
6. You always just got by mooching off your friends for rides.
“You could at least give me gas money every once and a while.”
7. But they got fed up. Really, really fed up.
8. So eventually you said “screw it” and read over an online manual. It seemed pretty straightforward.
9. I mean, c’mon. How confusing could it be?
11. You paid attention in Drivers Ed, but honestly they might as well have been speaking another language.
12. Needless to say, your grasp on the material was pretty weak.
13. And so obviously, as soon as you sat down for your driving test, you drew a complete blank.
You couldn’t even remember your name. Let alone how to parallel park.
14. It went poorly. To say the least.
16. If you were allowed to drive, you know you’d just end up getting distracted anyway.
17. And doing something impossibly stupid.
Telling your insurance agent you were just trying to carpool isn’t going to cut it.
18. Instead of wasting years of your life trying, just look at the silver linings of not knowing how to drive!
19. For starters, you always have a cool “alternative” form of ID. Driver’s licences are way boring.
23. You never have to worry about being the DD.
Party on, Garth.