1. Eve's Christmas
Women put work first too much – when really, the holiday season is a great time for them to reflect on how they probably should have stayed in their hometown, married their high school sweetheart and invented Amazon.com – wait, what?
2. The Mistle-Tones
Everyone knows there is no greater sign that you've "made it" than being asked to perform at a mall on Christmas Eve. This is how Barbra Streisand's career began! Two warring Christmas carol groups fight over the coveted mall performance spot in a town where no one has any normal traditions and instead they all focus way too much on the mall.
3. Road to Christmas
When a fabulous photographer is stranded on the way to her Aspen wedding, she hitches a ride with a grouchy dad and his precocious daughter. Law & Order would take that idea and run in a very different direction but in this movie, they fall in love and run off to a resort in the Catskills, take dance lessons and have the time of their lives.
4. Holiday Switch
Sometimes your holidays aren't full of concerts in the mall or weddings in Aspen. Sometimes you are poor like Tiny Tim – but unlike Tiny Tim, Nicole Eggert has a magical clothes dryer and after crawling through that she discovers an alt-universe where she is rich. But is there happiness inside of that clothes dryer? Probably not. Check it out anyway and see if that even matters. Also, take the time to ask yourself – what's inside the magical clothes dryer of YOUR life?
5. The 12 Men of Christmas
This is yet another movie about how career women are very unhappy during the holidays. This one at least has a men posing for a calendar.
6. The 12 Dates of Christmas
This is like Groundhog Day if Groundhog Day were a Christmas movie. Also, if you replace the funny parts of Groundhog Day with maudlin sappy story arcs about a dead wife. And replace Bill Murray with Zach Morris. But other than those changes, it's pretty much just Groundhog Day.
7. Holiday in Handcuffs
Sabrina the Teenaged Witch has apparently used up all of her magic and must use handcuffs to kidnap A.C. Slater. This is illegal in 49 states except on Christmas when it's legal everywhere but only if you fall in love in two days time.
8. A Diva's Christmas Carol
Vanessa Williams is mean and also a pop singer. While this is generally acceptable now, in the early 2000s, it was so rare for a pop singer to be mean that three spirits would visit them and tell them to shape up. These angels were laid off due to the recession which is why we now have Justin Beiber.
9. His & Her Christmas
Two columnists from two different newspapers have an ongoing fight over Christmas. This is funny because what town has two newspapers anymore? Also, who reads the newspaper? It's the magic of Christmas!
10. Santa Baby 1 & 2
Santa is sick and his daughter must fill in. But since she anti-vaccine, all of the elves catch whooping cough and die. In the sequel, she gives the reindeer polio. (Note: I may have some of the details wrong on these two movies).
Share This Article
