We need to talk about lobsters. We need to talk about lobsters NOW. Because lobsters are insane. They are the weirdest f**king creatures to scuttle this hallowed earth. They are literally grumpy pee-savoring cannibals, boogeying across the ocean floor.
For starters, lobsters pee out of their faces.
Lobsters are also CANNIBALS.
To seduce their lobster mates, female lobsters shed their shells and pee everywhere.
"Lobsters hate each other and fight over everything all the time."
Every night, the ~alpha male lobster~ goes around beating up all the other lobsters in the neighborhood to assert his dominance.
After being beaten up by the alpha lobster, female lobsters will line up outside of his lobster house. For sex.
But the alpha male lobsters are super belligerent after a night out beatin' up the townspeople, so the female lobsters have to calm them down by peeing everywhere in their house.
Not only do lobsters ~get it on~ by peeing, they also fight by peeing on each other. From those pee-holes on their faces.
Lobsters have sex in the missionary position.
Lobsters recognize each other because of their face-urine.
After shedding her shell, the female lobster is vulnerable and has to live with the alpha lobster until her shell grows back. Then she's like, "Bye."
