Being A Writer On Screen Vs. Being A Writer In Reality

    Oh don't mind me, I'm just sitting here, typing away in my one-bedroom Upper East Side apartment, smoking cigs and wearing Louboutins.

    Jennifer Schaffer
    by Jennifer Schaffer

    BuzzFeed Staff

    On deadline on TV:

    Netflix

    I am a word-producing machine. A higher power guides me to precisely my word count, with fifteen minutes to spare.

    On deadline in reality:

    Late-night writing on TV:

    HBO

    Ah, another night as a writer in the big city. Just sitting here in my haute couture shawl that matches the periwinkle walls of my rent-controlled apartment, typing truths upon this Macintosh computer.

    Late-night writing in reality:

    A writer's weekend in the movies:

    Bazmark Productions

    This debauchery, it... it inspires me. We are all so beautiful and so damned.

    A writer's weekend in reality:

    Writer's block in the movies:

    a-movie-dream.tumblr.com

    Let me ponder, quietly, in mixed metaphors, so that I may perceive the beating heart of literary genius beneath this terrible drought of inspiration.

    Writer's block in reality:

    Writing after a break-up in the movies:

    Bazmark Pictures / Via paracetamol3.rssing.com

    The greatest thing you'll ever learn... is just to love and be loved in return... tap tap tap typewriter tuberculosis tap tap tap POETRY.

    Writing after a break-up in reality:

    Writer's apartment on TV:

    HBO

    Nice COFFEE TABLE, Carrie. Nice Faberge egg, Carrie. Nice UPHOLSTERY, CARRIE.

    Writer's apartment in reality:

    Beginning a new chapter in the movies:

    Universal Studios

    The gentle smoke lifting from my cigarette drives me to ponder the delicate intricacies of the human condition.

    Beginning a new chapter in reality:

    Pitching ideas in the movies:

    Paramount Pictures

    My brilliance will shine through every piece that I do! I WILL SAVE THE WORLD WITH MY COMMAND OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

    Pitching ideas in reality:

    Writer's attire in the movies:

    Paramount Pictures

    Oh, this Brooks Brothers blazer? This dashing coiffure? I have this lady-friend, you see. She pays for all of my many things.

    Writer's attire in reality:

    Your relationship with your agent on TV:

    Showtime

    We have such a wacky and unconventional relationship! I screw things up, you give me six-figure advances!

    Your relationship with your agent in reality:

    The determined writer in the movies:

    Working Title Films

    My fingers, they are ablaze with inspiration. I close my eyes and when they open I have birthed an entire novel.

    The determined writer in reality:

    Vine
    View this vine on Vine
    vine.co

    More puppies!

    Writer's payday on TV:

    HBO / Via popsugar.com

    Yayyyy! More Manolo Blahniks!!!!

    Writer's paycheck in reality: