1. Exhibit 1: Grumpy Cat visited Vogue and it was “awful”
Goddamn these fashionable ladies in their size 0’s giving me a Cake Boss cake and singing me happy birthday, who do they think they are, my best friends?!
They tried to turn my frown upside down. Fat chance, ladies! Though I do strike a sexy pose.
3. Exhibit 2: Grumpy Cat now actually thinks he’s Pharrell.
I’m dominating the red carpet with my own mini Pharell hat. Didn’t see me crying with Oprah.
I got better seats than Nick Lachey. Then promptly ignored the show and slept instead, because divas get to do that.
I was clearly really interested in this reporter lady with her pink suit thing. Ok, enough with MTV Music Awards, clearly I won all the awards.
7. Exhibit 3: He got interviewed remotely by some Australian dude on TV.
Who even IS this guy and why is he laughing, isn’t it too early for this?
8. Exhibit 4: He was jealous of this now epic Oscars selfie and photoshopped himself in.
I’m clearly more important than this Bradley Cooper person you’re talking about, I mean, I already got Nick Lachey’s seats didn’t I?
9. Exhibit 5: He has his own freakin’ Hollywood Star.
Of course I hated it, this is filthy. Pick me up off the floor, will ya?
I actually have my own movie coming out soon. We filmed it in ten minutes, and it was awful.
Please, Anderson Cooper, you know who the real host is. Back off, let it go easy.
13. Exhibit 7: He Doesn’t even Like Friskies. Shhhh.
Why are there so many cats here. These Friskies taste like shit. Okay maybe they’re alright, but Tuna and Starbucks coffee cake is much better—I told these random people so. Why did I talk to them again?