Search term: "Family"
Stephanie Anderson: The big day was FINALLY here. It was an unconventional wedding, yes, but it was everything Samantha had hoped and more.
A showgirl wedding, with her daughter dressed as a bride to throw people off.
Brad Esposito: Samantha pressed her palms against her chest. It had been three months since the surgery and the implants were everything she wanted.
Jenna Guillaume: Her groom - the Sydney Harbour Bridge - would really love her bangin' body. She would be the first person in Australia to marry a bridge. This was her moment.
"I hope you're ready for me, lover," she cooed as she caressed his pylon.
Search term: "Night vision"
Stephanie: Jeremy just adored Felicia.
Brad: It was a damn shame she didn't understand their love.
Stephanie: He watched her, yes, but it was just so he could understand her better. He wanted their love to be as deep as an ocean.
Jenna: But Felicia caught him. And with a flip of her hair she turned into Beyoncé.
"You do not have permission to watch," Beyoncé screamed, as she executed a ***Flawless solo dance routine.
Stephanie: The cops appeared, handcuffing Jeremy instantly.
"Bye Felicia," he whispered sadly to himself as the officers took him away.
Search term: "Yoghurt"
Brad: "Ah, semen" he thought.
Search term: "Bizarre"
Stephanie: Fred had never been happier. Sure, he'd lost his wife, his home, his car, and his job - but he had a laptop, and the Macca's near the beach had free WIFI.
Jenna: He opened up Google and typed in "pineapple bikini".
Stephanie: "Ah, this is it," he thought to himself. "I'm finally living the dream. Trish never 'got' my fetish, but now I'm FREE!"
Brad: The tide was coming in, and as the sand shifted under his crotch he felt his penis twitch.
Stephanie: He adjusted himself, burrowing deeper into the sand.
Jenna: He let out a high-pitched giggle, and typed in his next search...
Stephanie: "Hats made of eyelashes."
Search term: "Object"
Jenna: Sandra wanted everything to be special for her big date. She spent all day at the hairdresser getting a cut, colour and blow-dry.
Stephanie: She. Looked. FABULOUS. She felt sexy and confident for the first time in years.
Brad: She didn't care if people thought she was a bitch. She was a bitch. And she was proud.
Jenna: When the doorbell rang, she couldn't stop her tail wagging in anticipation.
Brad: This time, though, she managed to not urinate with excitement.
Stephanie: She answered the door, panting.
Jenna: Barry was there, looking handsome as ever.
Brad: His ears had gotten long and droopy with age, much like his testicles. Sandra leaned over and assumed the regular position, allowing Barry to sniff her anal glands. Barry was always such a good sniffer. Not too rough, but certainly not gentle.
Jenna: Barry let out a low woof.
"Tonight, let's do it HUMAN style."
Search term: "Crab people"
Jenna: Matthew could feel it coming on. The moment he dreaded every month.
Stephanie: Like a werewolf, he'd wake in the night with the uncontrollable urge to pop in some contacts and wine and dine a crab.
Brad: But this crab was different. It had... something to it. The little baby hairs running up its six symmetrical feet felt like silk along Matthew's face.
Stephanie: And the angry look on its face was enticing him in a way he'd never experienced before.
Brad: "Six feet," thought Matthew. "For six holes."
Jenna: He turned on the video camera.
Brad: His record player, still fresh from the night before, was spinning "Closer" by NIN. Matthew bobbed his head to the beautiful lyrics, "I wanna fuck you like an ANIMALLLLL"
Stephanie: The crab caressing him all the while, nipping at his nips. He sipped his wine and exclaimed, "Ooh, Sebastian, you NAUGHTY crustacean!"
Jenna: "Under da sea..." Sebastian whispered wistfully.
Search term: "Period pain"
Stephanie: The murderer had cut off her face, yes, but she'd survived, and she was determined to make all her dreams come true. She'd be the best damn mime the world had ever seen.
Brad: It was a shame the doctors could only graft using foreskin. Sure, she'd get the random ingrown hair - but it was worth it. She was happy. And no amount of pubic hair on her face could change that
Jenna: She put the lotion on her skin or else she got the hose again.
Search term: "Fright"
Stephanie: "What the goddamn fuck is this?" Annabeth thought to herself, mere hours before her big performance. "SUSHI?!?! I asked for CUCUMBER SLICES AND GIN! Someone is going to lose a fucking eye over this, I swear to God."
Jenna: "I'll show you, you evil wench!" She heard from somewhere in the room.
"What?! Who's there?!"
"It's me you cow! Put me in your mouth! Do it now!"
Suddenly she realised - it was the sushi.
Brad: Annabeth knew sushi was raw. But THIS raw?
Stephanie: She'd never been one to back down when confronted, and she wasn't about to start now.
Jenna: She put the sushi in her mouth, and it cackled with glee.
Brad: It had a weird sensation to it, almost popping in her mouth. As each piece of the fish nestled over supple lips.
Stephanie: And then she tasted it. The arsenic the sushi had laced itself with.
Jenna: "This ends today!" Was the last thing she heard, from within her own throat, before everything went black.
Search term: "Doctor"
Brad: Nick had been anticipating this day for months. He wasn't sure if he was ready, in fact he knew he never would be, but the time had come.
Jenna: He was going in to get the sore on his arm checked. But something wasn't right when he arrived at the doctor's office.
Stephanie: He was in the wrong room. They had the same last name, so he'd answered when he was called, but until this very moment, he's just thought the doctor was being thorough. Now, as the doctor asked him to remove his clothes, and the anesthesiologist had arrived, he realised... he was getting a colonoscopy that he did not require.
Brad: He didn't require it, this was certain. But, did he want it?
Stephanie: "You're not all the way under," the anesthesiologist was explaining. "So you may feel a little discomfort... "
Interesting, he thought to himself, anticipation fluttering in his stomach
Brad: Nick couldn't remember the last time his heart had raced this much. He didn't even know her name, for Chrissake!
Stephanie: He finally felt... ALIVE.
Brad: "Can you feel that?" She asked. "That's your prostate."
"Oh..." Nick flinched. "Is that good? Is it meant to be there? It's not... swollen?"
"Oh no," the doctor said with a smirk. "It's probably one of the SEXIEST prostates i've ever felt."
Stephanie: At that, he evacuated his bowels.
Brad: Relief rushed over him in an awesome wave.
Jenna: Nick woke up an hour later and felt the sudden urge for a cigarette.
Search term: "Hot man"
Brad: It was a cruel reality of Frank's relationships that his lovers always seemed to melt away.