27 Things Judy Blume’s “Forever” Taught You About Sex

You read it under the covers every night... for research.

1. You can have a genius I.Q. AND get laid by at least six different guys.

Universal Pictures

Legitimately the first line of this book is "Sybil Davison has a genius I.Q. and has been laid by at least six different guys." And when you were 12 years old it BLEW YOUR MIND.

2. But if sex is all a guy is interested in, you should dump his butt.

TLC

Katherine's first boyfriend Tommy Aronson told her he'd leave her if she didn't have sex with him, so she told him to go ahead, and he did. GOOD RIDDANCE.

3. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.

Warner Bros

So, like, if a guy offers to wipe fondue off your chin, he is likely trying to hit on you and you should totally put him in his place by saying "I can wipe my own chin".

If he tells you his name, follow it up with "so?" like you really DGAF. This way he will fall in love with you. It worked for Katherine with Michael.

4. Nice kisses are warm but not sloppy.

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"Finally he kissed me. It was a nice kiss, warm but not sloppy. Before he let me out at Sybil's house, Michael stopped the car and kissed me again. 'You're delicious,' he said."

And just like that, you hit puberty.

5. Guys like light blue on a girl more than any other colour.

Paramount Pictures

Katherine read it once so it must be true.

6. Going "parking" isn't safe because there are a lot of crazies in the world.

FOX

"They have been known to prey on couples who are out parking."

To avoid said crazies it's handy to have parents who are happy for you to bring your boyfriends home for parking-type activities (a.k.a. SEX).

7. Sometimes "going slow" means you need a minute alone.

FOX

When Katherine stops Michael from putting his hand down her pants, they both need a minute alone and so did you when you were reading it.

8. You can have sex without love.

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But love makes it more special, according to Katherine.

9. You have to be careful of pregnancy and venereal disease.

ABC

Learnt that from Katherine's grandma:

"Just be careful... that's my only advice."

"Of what?"

"Pregnancy."

"Grandma!"

"And venereal disease."

10. In the old days, girls were divided into groups of those who DID IT and those who didn't - and "nice girls" didn't.

Carousel Productions

Thank God those days are over. Literally, Katherine says, "I'm glad those days are over" and you were too, even if you weren't ready to DO IT.

11. Shampooing each other's hair over the sink is like the most romantic thing ever.

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At least it seemed that way when Katherine and Michael did it (not IT) after their water fight.

12. Soft mattresses are no good for making love.

CBS

"Really... I mean it," says Michael - and you went and checked the firmness of your own mattress.

13. Hate and war are bad words but fuck isn't.

Disney

According to Katherine's sister, Jamie, anyway. According to your parents, fuck was most definitely a bad word.

14. Your body can be ready when your mind isn't.

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"I can feel how ready you are," says Michael, with his hand down Katherine's pants, and she shuts that shit down by telling him she's not "mentally ready".

Michael replies with, "if I didn't know any better I'd think you were a tease." Coz really he is the WORST, even though you probably didn't realise it at the time.

15. Fathers can't stand the thought of their "precious darlings" having sex.

NBC

"Fathers have complexes about little girls," says Katherine's best friend, Erica, when Katherine's father doesn't want her to go away with Michael. "It has to do with breaking your cherry."

And you were in awe of Erica's wisdom.

16. "Came" doesn't mean actually physically ~coming~ someplace.

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So Katherine and Michael finally get around to some action (over the underwear, coz Katherine has her period), and things got very confusing for you. Like: "He rolled over on top of me and we moved together again and again and it felt so good I didn't ever want to stop until I came." What? Came where?

Then a couple of pages later: "Michael moaned and I felt him come - a pulsating feeling, a throbbing - like the books said - then wetness."

Wetness? What wetness? Where is HE coming? But they're still in the same room? What?

...

Oh. OH.

17. Some (all?) guys name their penises...

NBC

You can still never keep a straight face if you ever meet anyone named Ralph.

18. ...and talk about them like they're an actual person.

Network 10

"Katherine, I'd like you to meet Ralph... Ralph, this is Katherine."

"You did just fine... Ralph liked it a lot."

"We can help Ralph."

"Ralph won't fail me twice."

Oh OK then.

19. Once you do IT you can't just go back to holding hands.

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So says Katherine's mum. You gotta be sure. Like, really sure. "Mentally ready".

20. Girls bleed the first time they have sex.

NBC

Katherine doesn't want to do IT on Michael's sister's bed OR rug because she doesn't want to leave a stain. And that prospect absolutely horrified you.

21. If you have sex with a random you met on the beach you'll probably get VD.

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Poor Michael got the clap the first time he got laid.

22. Guys can ~come~ even before they ~put it in~.

Marvel

Poor, poor Michael.

23. And even when they're only a little bit ~in~.

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Poor Katherine.

24. The first time probably won't be perfect.

FOX

Katherine can't help but feel let down, and you couldn't help but wonder - is that really it?

25. Some guys put aftershave on their balls.

Lifetime

And the scene where Katherine goes to put it on Michael's balls will forever be burned into your brain. Maybe that's where the book got its name from...

26. Sex is an antidote to death.

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After Katherine's grandpa dies, she kisses Theo, the hot camp counselor who is NOT her boyfriend, and he comforts her by telling her it's a normal reaction to someone dying.

And you were in awe of Theo's wisdom.

27. Just because you have sex with someone and think you love them, it doesn't mean it's ~forever~.

The CW

After all that, Michael and Katherine break up. And you were devastated.

And then you reread the sexy times and forgot about the rest.