Get ready for another round of outrage at the TSA. Breast cancer survivor Adrienne Durso says she was forced to undergo an invasive pat-down on the delicate skin left by a mastectomy by an agent at the Albuquerque International Sunport airport. When her 17-year-old son wanted to know why his mom was being singled out, and he wasn't being searched, the agent's supervisor allegedly stated that he “didn't have boobs.” Ah, so that's the pre-requisite for getting a pat down

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Well, two mouse dads anyway. In a completely convoluted process that had something to do with the X chromosomes on boy DNA and the Y chromosomes on another boy's DNA, University of Texas geneticists just made mothers obsolete! Let's go drink the wine we couldn't have for nine whole months! Wait, what? Obsolete?

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There are thousands of people who won't make it home for the holidays this year. They're the men and women in the United States military. And they deserve a happy holiday too… and this list says your undies are the best bet.

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If the Tea Party sweeps the November elections, some Americans fear it will be the end of the world. Glenn Beck agrees. Why else would he be advocating we all buy food insurance kits to survive Armageddon?

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The Boy Scouts have proven they're prepared to take your money — any way they can. They've surprised absolutely no one with their decision not to let a gay dad serve as a scout leader in his son's Scout troop. But he can still fund raise for them.

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Ann Coulter has spent much of the past few months arguing “anchor babies” don't deserve citizenship in America just based on the location of their birth. Apparently the right wing pundit doesn't pay much attention to location herself.

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A Tea Party group is taking heat this week for depicting President Obama as a slavedriver on a float in a parade in Washington State this past weekend. Ah, another day, another set of Tea Partiers who can't believe their questionable tactics are being called racist. Memo to the Tea Party: before you plan your next rally, how about reading a few newspapers?

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Stop complaining about your height. Edward Nino Hernandez has got you beat. The world's shortest man is just 27 inches tall. We should mention he is also 24 years old. And he's not short enough.

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There's no way to tell how many women spit and how many swallow when it comes to fellatio. But if you're in the latter camp and want to get into the former, how about some incentive to convince him you should never have to swallow again? We're talking semen recipes, ladies!

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We've seen the home renovation game turn contractors into stars — hello, Ty Pennington. So what's a washed-up rap star to do when having your song covered on Glee isn't enough to put you back on top? Er, sign with the DIY Network and start renovating homes? Cue The Vanilla Ice Project

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Fast fact: when cops encounter 2,300 pot plants and 13 docile black bears, they're usually pretty full up on their crazy quota for the day. And then came the pig and the raccoon.

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The 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote 90 years ago today, and women are celebrating by not supporting Sarah Palin. Hey, it's their right, right? The presidential candidate has made using her gender against other women a habit, telling the uterus bearing among us that there's “a place in hell reserved for women who don't support other women.” EMILY's List is going to hell. And they're taking the lesbian furries with them.

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The terrorism threat level is at “elevated” today, “high” if you want to get on a plane. Just don't seek out Fido for comfort for your fears before boarding. While you're terrified that the big mean terrorists are out there plotting ways to destroy America as you know it, guess who's killing God fearing 'mericans? Not terrorists.

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Now you can be bipartisan in the bedroom! A group of street vendors in New York City lost a battle over their rights to sell Barack Obama- and Sarah Palin-themed condoms on the street. So word has it they'll be turning to the Internet — and the rest of you sexy patriots.

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First the zombies and sea monsters took over Jane Austen's classics. How long did you expect the creepy creatures to wait until they took over children's classic fare? Dick and Jane has officially joined the ranks of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters with a visit from the vampires.

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Chelsea Clinton has always hidden her light under a basket, and it's no surprise she's keeping her wedding as low-key as possible. Unlike Bristol Palin. She's got a bit of grizzly in her when it comes to stealing the wedding thunder. With Bristol's nuptials supposedly slated for three weeks after Chelsea's, the Clinton daughter isn't up for any bride wars. But we can't say the same for Mama Grizzly and Madame Secretary of State. Could we have a mother of the bride war on our hands?

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The FCC's days of ruling the airwaves with an iron fist are over. George Carlin's seven dirty words are back on TV and radio thanks to the Second Circuit Court of Appeals ruling that the FCC's current indecency policy “violates the First Amendment because it is unconstitutionally vague, creating a chilling effect that goes far beyond the fleeting expletives at issue here.” So why does the FCC have its panties in a bunch anyway?

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Leave it to the folks at Vulva Love Lovely to let us know we're not being kind enough to our vulva. They've developed Vulva Lip Balm. And don't fret your pretty little head: It's vegan! Made with avocado oil, shae butter, sweet almond oil, candelilla wax, vitamin E, and vegan chai tea flavoring, the balm features a photo of “an un-altered, un-airbrushed model” with full bush. It says it's “for your lips.” But we're left here wondering: Which ones?

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The task of cleaning up the Great Pacific Garbage Patch — that huge floating mass of plastic trash in the middle of the Pacific — is headed to a home near you. Electrolux is talking about turning the plastic patch into your new vacuum cleaner.

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Sneakers with a giant sperm on the side may win the prize for weirdest workout gear ever.

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