1. Where am I??
2. Oh.
3. Oh god.
4. How much did I drink last night??
5. *checks phone*
6. I am never drinking again.
7. I feel like I'm dying.
8. Am I dying?
9. Am I dead?
10. Is this hell?
11. This is definitely hell.
12. There are parts of my body that hurt that I didn't even know could feel pain.
13. I CAN FEEL MY LIVER CRYING.
14. IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE??
15. I hate everything.
16. All I want to do is cocoon myself in blankets and metamorphose into a less hungover butterfly.
17. Why did I do this to myself?
18. What did morning me ever do to night me to deserve this?
19. Actually, what did I ever do to alcohol to deserve this?
20. IT HURTS US, PRECIOUS.
21. WE HATES IT.
22. SNEAKY LITTLE HANGOVERSES.
23. Ugh.
24. I can't function.
25. Is this what adulthood feels like?
26. Did I peak in college?
27. I NEED AN ADULT.
28. BUT I AM AN ADULT.
29. Maybe I should go get some water. That would be the adult thing to do.
30. Or some food.
31. *mentally vomits*
32. On second thought, maybe just water.
33. I can do this.
34. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
35. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take!
36. UGH.
37. NO.
38. GODDAMN IT.
39. TOO SOON.
40. #BanAllShots2015.
41. I definitely should get up to get some water though.
42. *tries to stand*
40. *promptly falls over*
41. I learned to stand before I was a year old, what the hell is this?
42. I am a disgrace.
43. I have brought shame to the human race.
44. But most importantly, I am going back to bed.
45. And now the room is spinning, great.
46. Snap back to reality, oh, there goes gravity!
47. PALMS ARE SWEATY, KNEES WEAK, ARMS ARE HEAVY.
48. THERE'S VOMIT ON HIS SWEATER ALREADY, MOM'S SPAGHETTI.
49. Aaand you know you've reached rock bottom when an Eminem song is actually the story of your life.
50. I am definitely never, ever drinking again though.
51. That would just be irresponsible!
52. And I am a responsible, high-functioning adult!
53. My friends are going out for drinks later though...
54. And you know what they say about hair of the dog...
55. Oh, what the hell.
56. *pours out a drink for my liver*
