Comedy·Posted on Oct 13, 201532 Tweets About Being Single Guaranteed To Make You Laugh"I woke up like this: alone."by Jarry LeeBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. FREDDY @FreddyAmazin fall is the perfect time to date someone like it’s chilly so u both get bundled up & watch movies and go for coffee dates omg i'm so lonely 10:46 PM - 12 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. pakalu papito @pakalupapito just dropped my new single it's me i'm single 01:37 AM - 30 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Male Thoughts @SteveStfler When nobody’s there for you so you gotta pick yourself up 01:50 AM - 11 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. an actual ghoul @TheDreamGhoul I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats 10:28 PM - 03 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Online Hippo @NicestHippo *gets into a relationship* This is bad *becomes single* Hmm this is bad too *looks in a mirror* Oh I see the problem now 01:55 PM - 26 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Rhys James @rhysjamesy Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed. 11:35 AM - 06 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Jeff Wysaski @pleatedjeans [first date] me: So, do you like street magic? her: Not really me: [releases 7 doves under table] Haha yeah me either 04:50 PM - 02 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Funny Tweets™ @Lmao me: i'm so lonely person: hey me: leave me alone 11:03 AM - 24 Jun 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. 9GAG @9GAG pizza won't divorce you pizza won't betray you pizza won't cheat on you pizza won't fight with you why don't people just marry pizza 05:00 PM - 11 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. anti joke apple @antijokeapple whats the difference between me and a calendar? a calendar has dates 05:50 PM - 21 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Dani Fernandez @msdanifernandez him: your single? why? me: you're* 10:33 PM - 03 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. ScaryKoCo @MaryKoCo Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant 07:00 AM - 05 Nov 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Funny Tweets @autocorrects When you can't really tell if someone is into you or not 04:33 AM - 11 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Ollie Garch @ojedge [date] Me: 'Don't let her know ur a boxing ring announcer…' Her: "Shall we order dessert?" Me: "LET'S GET READY TO EAT APPLE CRUUUUMBLE!" 09:01 PM - 12 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Sarcasm @TheFunnyTeens Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive. 04:00 AM - 10 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Baby Swayze @buhsbaby_baby Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote. 10:34 AM - 19 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Shira @shiraselko Being single is cool bc you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss 03:54 AM - 03 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Mae @mzeld 5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message" 09:07 PM - 10 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Real Feelings. @teenagertexts 2014: single 2015: single Consistency is key guys 01:40 PM - 28 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Jeffrey Barker @TheJooof #ImSingleBecause 😂 06:27 AM - 30 Jul 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Jeffrey Hadz @Hadzilla If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses 09:45 PM - 07 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Molly McAleer @molls Went into a store w/ wet nails & asked the cashier 2 pull a cig outta my purse & he said "get a boyfriend so you don't have to be like this" 07:30 PM - 31 Aug 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Randi Lawson @RandiLawson Gather 'round you single losers so I can throw my used flowers at you -Brides 02:35 AM - 01 May 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Chrissy Costanza @ChrissyCostanza Interviewer today trying to ask me about boys and I'm just like I barely have time to shower let alone maintain even a single conversation 11:01 AM - 11 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. Sasshole @RidiculousSheri 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends." 01:01 AM - 26 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Eldge @Sickayduh Penis: Oh. Cute waitress. We can do this, guys Brain: Ok. We'll say we like her smile Mouth: Are the corn dogs in season? 09:13 PM - 30 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Trevor S @trevso_electric I woke up like this: alone. 05:37 PM - 16 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. PapeяWash© @PaperWash [1st date] me: are you cold? date: *shivering* a little me: *putting second hoody on* that sucks 01:27 AM - 30 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Laura @LauraLikesWine So single that I'm starting a recycling program- dudes from years ago are back in my life. Super environmental. 03:02 AM - 17 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Bob Vulfov @bobvulfov [getting ready for a date] ROOMMATE: the key is to not seem too desperate ME: ok [later] DATE: i love this restaurant ME: haha i love u too 03:21 PM - 30 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Common White Girl @girlposts single and ready to flamingle 12:34 AM - 17 Jul 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys I’m single but it’s serious. 02:06 AM - 30 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite