The 11 Worst Gifts To Receive On Valentine's Day

Don't be stupid, Cupid.

1. A gift card.

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If you ever wanted to know how much you're worth to someone, now you *literally* will.

2. A gift that's really for them.

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"Aw, how sweet, you got me a [thing used to cook/clean/do something for you]!"

3. Flowers.

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"Happy Valentine's Day!! Here are some flowers that will slowly die over the next few days as a reminder that all things, including this relationship and even your life, will come to an end. We are all slowly but surely accelerating toward our inevitable deaths. THE END IS IMMINENT. Love you!!"

4. A gym membership.

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Nothing says romance like "hey, go lose some weight."

5. A breakup.

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"So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames? Lol it's totally going down in flames. GTFO."

6. An STI.

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"I know you really wanted jewelry, but here, have some chlamydia instead! XOXO."

7. Unwanted pregnancy.

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Here's an 18+ year financial obligation for you!!

8. Spiders.

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No.

9. A piñata filled with spiders.

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What the fuck is wrong with you, you sick fuck.

10. Nuclear war.

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This is what happens when you combine "love is a battlefield" and "you're the bomb." Stop that.

11. The apocalypse.

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"You know how they say everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not, then it's not the end? Well, shit."