10 Reasons Why The Barefoot Contessa Is Better Than You

You might as well just give up now.

1. She only uses “good” ingredients.

There’s a big difference between “good” and “fine”.

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2. Her signature phrase is trademarked.

Is yours? Didn’t think so.

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3. She keeps an army of gay men on call at all times.

Do you have a personal army of gay men? Didn’t think so.

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4. This is her kitchen, the one in the barn, that is:

Do you have a barn kitchen the size of a small ballroom? Didn’t think so.

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5. She has the best parody account on Twitter.

Follow it, peasants.

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6. Her fashionable, collar poppin’, denim shirts are couture. Seriously.

Do you have a seamstress to make fashionable and functional denim shirts, tailored specifically to your body? Didn’t think so.

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7. She knows cooking is a sensual experience.

What part of this show isn’t sensual?

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8. She’s Queen of the Food Network, as if you didn’t already know that.

Semi-Homemade. Really?

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9. She’s got Jeffrey.

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10. She’s filthy rich.

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In conclusion, Ina Garten wins life.

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