23 Signs You Grew Up In Manhattan

As in, not New Jersey, Long Island, or an outer borough.

1. Waiting more than three minutes for the subway constitutes a “train delay.”

2. Waiting more than one minute for a cab is grounds for a temper tantrum.

3. You think nothing of stepping over that homeless person as you walk towards your parents’ multi-million-dollar apartment.

4. Which is probably a small 2-bedroom.

5. You were the only one in college without a drivers license.

6. You snarl at the gypsy-cab driver as he rolls down his window to say he’ll only charge $40 to take you across town.

7. You never attended a house party in high school, but you spent every weekend at a free crib.

8. Or drinking on a stoop.

9. A deli does not refer to a place that sells meat sandwiches; it’s that store on your corner that’s open all night.

10. When you were 13 you were sure that the bartender serving you believed you were a 21-year-old college student from Nebraska.

11. You still say “1/9” and “N/R.”

12. You do not like Gossip Girl.

13. In high school, you had a female friend who dated a sketchy guy who hung out at Washington Square Park.

14. Or The Cube.

15. The first genitalia you ever saw was on the subway.

16. And you were probably about 12.

17. You’ve been anticipating the 2nd Avenue Line since kindergarten.

18. You’ve cultivated a healthy fear of The Quarter Guy.

19. You’ve been waiting your whole life to meet a mole person.

20. You would rather spend the whole subway ride standing than sit in the two-seater at the end of the car.

21. You’ve just begun to catch on that A&S Plaza is now the Manhattan Mall.

22. You’ve spotted so many celebrities you just don’t care anymore.

23. You are not impressed by Brooklyn.

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