1.
[gets kidnapped] Hold up, I forgot my phone charger.
2.
Based on your previous viewing history, Netflix suggests you spend a little time quietly thinking about the way your parents raised you.
3.
4.
*Steps out of time machine* In the future, we have smartphones, internet, and cars! "How doth they work?" Uh *Steps back into time machine*
5.
*video doesn’t load within 2 seconds* well i guess i’ll never know
6.
Well, well, well, if it isn't the guy from Twitter that told me to go fuck myself
7.
Your password must contain an upper case character, an antagonist character and a moment where the main character saves a cat.
8.
Every time Beyoncé types out her name, she has to google "Pokémon" and then copy/paste the "é".
9.
10.
Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.
11.
You think you're pretty okay at doing stuff, and then you try to plug something into an outlet you're not looking directly at.
12.
Here's the folder on my computer where I keep my Russian doll jokes
13.
Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
14.
[me] goodnight moon [moon] new phone who dis
15.
16.
God I miss the days when you could lose touch with people.
17.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.
18.
My neighbor has an unsecured, wireless printer. I just sent this document to it.
19.
A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU'RE NOT THERE THAT'S RIGHT AMY I KNOW
20.
Hey Brenda, let’s watch this cute kitten video! *clicks on "Do You Wear Too Much Perfume?"* Haha whoops wrong video but LET'S HEAR IT OUT
21.
22.
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
23.
BlackBerry's are great phones to have if you're time traveling to 2005 and don't want people to know you're from the future.
24.
Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I'm in the bathroom.
25.
Hey empty nest parents, if you want your kid to call you just change your Netflix password.
26.
14-year old Becky writes "Stop wars" as her Facebook status. It gets nine "likes", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.
27.
I always consider this page the Film Noir of emoticons.
28.
Oh hi Becky who refused to kiss me during spin the bottle in 6th grade & now wants to play FarmVille, looks like tables have fucking turned
29.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant