1.
[wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
2.
Home Alone is so unrealistic; kids are super easy to kill.
3.
Home Alone would've been over in like 20 minutes if they were able to text.
4.
Home alone? U mean that piece of shit movie about the baby who messes with two respectable adult burglars? No thanks
5.
Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt.
6.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
7.
Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"
8.
Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying "Home Alone" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies.
9.
So in conclusion, the burglars in Home Alone 2 absolutely would have died. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
10.
Home Alone 3: Take the Hint, Kevin
11.
Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
12.
Home Alone 5: Where The Fuck Are My Parents
13.
What if Canada is just like 100 dudes faking a country like that scene in Home Alone where Kevin fakes the party?
14.
I'd bet Macaulay Culkin is actually home alone right now.
15.
Home Alone 7: Clearly They Just Don't Like This Kid
16.
If Home Alone were made today instead of robbers Kevin McCallister's enemies would be peanuts and gluten. Plus he'd be named Banjo.
17.
If Home Alone has taught me anything it's that children ruin everything.