1. The alarm you forgot about goes off and you’re like:
2. So you hit snooze and go back to sleep.
“I am peaceful as fuck right now.”
3. Five minutes later it goes off again and this time you think:
9. And you’re like, “Thank you, Party Gods, for bringing this shit-faced ship safely into harbor.”
11. You roll over and find you have a strange bedfellow.
25. …and find your roommates are still asleep.
Or maybe dead.
26. Along with this bro…
…Who’s definitely not dead because he’s mouth-breathing like an asthmatic bullfrog.
27. You find your phone on the counter…
…which you didn’t even know was lost.
35. Finished with the post-party recon, you’re like:
- The family of Sandra Bland, who died in a Texas jail cell in July three days after she was detained during a traffic stop, filed a wrongful death lawsuit in federal court.
- Migrant deaths in the Mediterranean have exceeded 2,000, making 2015 the deadliest year for people trying to reach Europe, according to the International Organization for Migration.
- Fox News has announced the 10 Republican candidates who will participate in the first debate of the 2016 U.S. presidential race on Thursday.