1. Ermahgerd… The McRib’s back. AGAIN.
2. Wait… these life hacks are… like… super useful.
3. Well, I guess I’ll give this “Paleo” thing a try.
But that means no more chicken nuggets, right? Okay, I thought so. But I just thought I’d ask.
4. Kristen Stewart cheated on R-Patz with WHO?
5. Oh hey, I’m watching Duck Dynasty. Ahaha… this show is just… It’s—aha!—so stupid… but… lol Uncle Si did it again.
Also: are they flavor-blasting Doritos now? I do not know exactly what I’m putting in my mouth right now but I know I don’t want the sensation to stop.
6. Yawwwwn. I’m kind of over FAIL videos.
7. Hold up… did I eat pancakes twice yesterday? Yeah, I guess I did.
8. God, Kate Middleton is just… I could spend the rest of my life on What Kate Wore and that would be totally okay with me.
9. Shut up… is that really how they make hotdogs?
10. Sorry, I’m watching Paul Potz sing Nessun Dorma again. And… here it… comes!
Wait, you haven’t seen it!? OMG go here. I’ll watch it again.
11. Oh, hey. I’m just trying this Face in Hole thing.
If I get this selfie perfect, I’m totally going to look like my head belongs on Gollum’s body.
12. God, reading tweets is like a full time job.
13. Browsing my Netflix queue makes me feel a little vulnerable, okay?
There’s just so many heartfelt father-son reunion movies I haven’t seen.
14. Sorry, I know—I’m watching the Kate Upton Cat Daddy video again. I just… can’t figure out… how she stays… in her top.
15. Mmmm… These cronuts look so good.
16. Dang, this twerking thing is actually really tiring. Hold up, I’m going to get it.
17. Are we smiling or bombing? I’m bombing. Guys?
18. Hey, it’s okay. I was really freaked out the first time I saw Paranormal Activity too.
20. I’ve been watching Neil deGrasse Tyson vids and now I’m just like… man… space is out there. We are all so, so small.
21. God, someone at twitter should just deactivate Amanda Bynes’ account.
No one wants to read this.
22. Epic Meal Time kind of makes me hungry…
23. Someone just posted a new PUPPY VIDEO!!!
24. Omg is this really happening to Polar Bears? I need to do something about it. Like right now.
25. Don’t tase me, Bro!
Ahahahaha, sorry. I love saying that.
26. To the windoooooooow, to the wall!
Man, I haven’t heard this song in forever. This apple slice is freaking bomb, btw.
27. No, I’m totally listening. Keep telling me about Kimye.
28. Holy crap this quinoa summer salad looks f***ing good.
Repinning. Repinning. Right. Now.
I love Tina Fey.
30. Could you just tell me already if I should care about Edward Snowden or not?
All this crap is really clogging my RSS feed. Also: what kind of a name is “Snowden” anyway? In the winter, I sleep in a snow den. Maybe I should go to China. Oh wait, I’m already here. Bite me.
31. Woah. This GoPro vid is freaking intense.
32. That’s kinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnda racist.
33. Are you instagramming this right now?
Because if you’re not, you should be.
34. Okay this parkour thing looked way easier in the videos.
Someone please go get a ladder. Quickly.
35. Truth bomb: sometimes, I want to instagram pictures of my food but I forget because I’m too hungry and I eat it.
But it feels good to talk about it.