2. Everything that tastes good makes you fat and will eventually kill you.
I only know one way to deal with this: eat the pain away.
3. They don’t make Lime-A-Rita in 36oz cans.
because 24 ounces cannot quench my thirst for drunk.
… to take children’s programming in a “brave, bold new direction.”
Join the fun on channel: 23.
5. “I Put A Spell On You” in Hocus Pocus is not a full length musical number.
6. Your cat is your best friend but it never wants to play with you.
“Yeah, hey, hey. Buddy. Could you not?”
7. Also your cat doesn’t speak human so it can’t work your office job.
9. Drake turns 27 this year… and Ke$ha… and Ellie Goulding…
And you know what happens to musicians at age 27…
Can we get them a bubble?
Drake will fill his bubble with tears cause he’s Downy soft, nahmean?
10. Also: Drake will probably never be happy.
Bro, you’re rich and famous like who is this broad anyway.
13. And speaking of Batman: The Batman franchise has been produced 5 times in the past 50 years - and only once was it worth a damn.
We’re still waiting for a Superman that’s worthwhile.
14. Arrested Development actually came back and everyone was like “meh.”
I guess it’s time to break out the old guitar.
16. Breaking Bad ended.
And we all have a lot of feelings.
17. This is your book store and your library now.
But does that tree have WiFi?
20. Fendi didn’t buy Kanye’s design for the leather jogging pant.
“How many mother fuckers you done seen with a leather jogging pant?” Mr. West wants to know.
21. Due to globalizing entertainment markets and the collapse of DVD sales, “new” movies are mostly spin-offs, remakes, and sequels.
The concept is tested.
22. Caroline Manzo is leaving The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
23. To be cool, you have to dislike mainstream music. Even when you kind of like it.
Guys, I only like Creed ironically. But “Photography” is sort of a jam though.