17 Invaluable Life Lessons We Learned From "Mystic Pizza"

The 1988 coming-of-age drama starring Julia Roberts, Annabeth Gish, and Lili Taylor taught us many things about love, lobster, shopping, and hitchhiking. And 25 years later, the advice holds up almost as strongly as Julia’s luscious locks.

Samuel Goldwyn / Courtesy Everett Collectio

In honor of the 25th anniversary of the release of Mystic Pizza, it’s time to celebrate what the Arujo sisters, vixen Daisy (Julia Roberts) and future Yalee Kat (Annabeth Gish), and their best friend Jojo (Lil Taylor) taught the children of the ’80s who loved it and Matt Damon fans who discovered the movie years later as the first credited speaking role on his resume.

From advice on marriage to valuing tradition, read on to revisit the sleepy Connecticut town where the hair was huge and the pizza sauce secrets were even bigger.

1. It’s really sexy to be good at pool.

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As the song in the background croons, “Is it hot in here? Or is it only me? Can you feel it too? IS IT HOT OR IS IT NOT?!”

2. Treat yo’self … strategically.

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Even if it’s only a temporary treat.

3. This is how you get roadside assistance:

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4. But dropping trou doesn’t always work out well… especially in your future in-law’s living room.

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5. Actually, as an alternative, abandoned homes are really great places to have sex.

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6. Not every girl wants to settle down.

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7. The married guy isn’t going to leave his wife for you.*

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As Daisy tells Kat, “If you believe this 30-year-old guy is going to leave his wife and live happily ever after with you, you’re living in a fuckin’ romance novel.”

*Unless you’re Meredith Grey.

8. Make sure you know the full story before you act…

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Act meaning toss dead fish on your boyfriend’s Porshe, in this case.

9. Because everything is not what it seems.

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Like, the girl you think your boyfriend is cheating on you with is actually his sister.

10. So, admit when you’ve made a mistake.

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11. Also, Lili Taylor was clearly born to do some really creepy shit.

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Mystic Pizza is actually the prequel to The Conjuring, The Haunting, etc.

12. Always have a designated driver.

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Of course it was Kat.

13. Everyone has to start somewhere.

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Matt Damon included and his start was Mystic Pizza. In his first speaking part, the Oscar winner played Steamer, the youngest of Windsor children, who wasn’t too knowledgable about lobster parts.

14. Two people from other worlds rarely work out.

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Poor Kat. Poor, poor Kat.

15. But sometimes, they do.

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Chocolate ice cream solves everything.

16. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

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17. Some secrets need to be taken to the grave.

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Seriously, Leona, WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THE PIZZA?!

Even the Fireside Gourmet can’t put his finger on it.

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