Title Text: ‘But what’s the buzz about the film?’ ‘We’re hoping it’s distracting.’
The eventual heat death of the universe is never far from my mind.
Title Text: Also possibly several miles beyond that.
So I think I’ll ride my bicycle to work from now on. Or walk. Definitely walk.
3. Time Robot
Title Text: NO FATE BUT THE NARRATIVES WE IMPOSE ON LIFE’S RANDOM CHAOS TO DISTRACT OURSELVES FROM OUR EXISTENTIAL PLIGHT
Title Text: I dropped a bird and didn’t hear the bottom.
Don’t look up.
Title Text: Socrates could’ve saved himself a lot of trouble if he’d just brought a flashlight, tranquilizer gun, and a bunch of rescue harnesses.
NOTHING IS TRUE! OBJECTIVITY IS A LIE! OUR ACTIONS DON’T MATTER! I’m moving to LA to hang out with J-Law.
Title Text: I didn’t understand what you meant. I still don’t. But I’ll figure it out soon!
7. Dream Girl
Title Text: No matter how elaborately you fool yourself.
The best part about this is that, on that day, at that time, at those coordinates, a bunch of people actually did show up. Maybe wanting something does make it come true.
8. Sticks and Stones
Title Text: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it.
Title Text: If you’re a geologist or geophysicist and you don’t introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying “… and I study that”, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
Thinking about how we’re on the surface of a sphere in an enormous galaxy hurtling along faster than you can imagine through inky blackness while on a collision course with the Andromeda galaxy is terrifying enough.
10. Bee Orchid
Title Text: In sixty million years aliens will know humans only by a fuzzy clip of a woman in an Axe commercial.
11. Turn Back
Title Text: I hear that these days Bill Watterson is happy just painting in the Ohio woods with his father and doesn’t get any mail or talk to anyone.
Bill Watterson taught me everything about life. Sorry mom and dad.
12. Game Theory
Title Text: Wait, no, that one also loses. How about a nice game of chess?
I hate people who refer to It as a game. I also hate people who capitalize third person personal pronouns.