1. Deciding you should crowd surf at the club when you probably shouldn’t.
Times where it’s a good idea to crowd surf:
-When you are Kanye West.
That’s pretty much it.
2. Trying to talk to that cutie at the bar after one too many pints.
There’s a fine line between “charming” and “creepy,” and you really shouldn’t cross it.
3. When you kind of stop paying attention to where you’re walking.
Oh, uh, er, was that always there?
4. Sending a text to someone you know you shouldn’t and then immediately regretting it.
DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, SCUMBAG BRAIN.
5. When you get the bright idea to skip the subway and walk all the way home.
30-mile walk? In the rain? At 4 a.m.? Pshh, that’s nothin’!
6. Literally ordering enough food to feed a small country. And eating it all by yourself.
A fail only because sharing is caring.
7. When you “accidentally” spend all your rent money watching the Home Shopping Network at 3 a.m.
But I need a collection of high-end samurai swords, and I need it NOW.
8. Trying to cook up a late-late-late-night snack in the kitchen when you really shouldn’t be cooking.
Eight drinks in and the sun’s comin’ up? Stick to microwaving leftovers, please.
9. When you, uh, confuse the bathroom signs at the bar.
SORRY MY BAD WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN.
10. Staying out for just one more song. No, for real, just one more.
Nine hours later…
11. When you finally get home from the bar… and realize you took two coasters, a pint glass, and a roll of toilet paper with you.