1. The clueless ones.
“Arre of course Brazil will win. They have Messi!”
2. The bandwagoners.
“Bhai Germany will DEFINITELY win. I love Germany.”
- Germany loses next match *
“COME ON SPAIN! Spain will win for sure. Spain is too good.”
3. The REALLY clueless ones.
“Bhai, when is Manchester United playing?”
4. The ones who would rather watch cricket.
“What is all this World Cup — Shirld Cup? Virat is batting, change the channel!”
5. The people who’re only watching for one reason…
“Oh my god, he’s SOOOOOO hot!”
6. The frustrated boyfriends/girlfriends desperately trying to keep up.
“Babe, are we cheering for the red team or the white team?”
7. The hipsters who are irritated that everyone’s suddenly a football fan.
“Dude, I’ve been supporting Spain since before they won a single tournament.”
8. The other hipsters, who support the most obscure team they can get away with supporting.
“Supporting Spain is sooo mainstream dude. I’ve always rooted for Croatia.”
9. The expert armchair tacticians.
“What a chutiya man! Why is he playing Rooney over there?? He should play a 4-4-2-2 and put him up front with Welbeck.”
10. The ones that lost interest right after the opening ceremony.
“Bhai, Jennifer Lopez kya sexy hai, bhai”
11. The ones whose side job is being Captain Obvious.
“Dude, they just need two more goals and they’ll win the match.” (Thanks, genius.)
Other common utterances include “Did you see that goal?? DID YOU SEE THAT GOAL??” (No, I hide under the table every time the ball crosses the half line) and “Aye look, he just gave him a red card!” (Really? I could have sworn it was purple.)
12. The ones that don’t know shit, but have all the expensive merchandise. (Hint: Often found in Gurgaon.)
“It’s original Nike* bro… Limited World Cup edition.”
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