1. 1. you own all her workout dvds but can’t get past level one
because you’ll start one, decide it’s not for you and say “i think i’d do better at yoga meltdown.”
2. 2. you hurt after the warm up
you mean that wasn’t part of the 30 minutes?
3. 3. when you finish the first circuit and then have to do it again, you’ve already had enough
that “are you kidding me” moment before you decide to give up.
4. 4. you use 2lb weights because you’ll have to lift them for three minutes
and somehow your arms will still hurt for the next week.
5. 5. when you eat food you can hear her yelling about burning it off later
“but i worked out today, i’m allowed to eat this.”
6. 6. when jillian says “if you think you’re gonna die” you shout back “i think i actually am”
but i’m working out alone in my basement, what happens if i actually pass out?
7. 7. when she says “i have 300lb people who can do jumping jacks” you realize you are in worse shape than you thought you were
because the last time you did jumping jacks was during gym class in middle school.
8. 8. she had to come out with a workout for beginners because the normal ones are too hard
one day, you will finish a work out video.
9. 9. you quit the 30 day shred after two days
30 days is just a really, really long time.
10. 10. so instead you dream about what it would be like to actually shred 20 lbs in 30 days but you know you’ll never get there
wouldn’t it be nice.
11. 11. you feel good that you finished her 30-minute video and then immediately stuff your face with whatever is in the kitchen
but my mom made homemade fudge brownies and i never get to eat them.
12. 12. you recognize that the girls in the workout video haven’t aged and somehow look better than before
seriously, it’s like they don’t age. and it just isn’t fair.
13. 13. and then when she tells you one of the girls has had three kids and you’re like:
that’s when you realize you will never have children.
14. 14. you only do the workout videos because there’s no way you could follow her diet plan
15. 15. you don’t feel bad about quitting because you can eat again
and then you’ll feel bad about yourself and vow to try again…starting next week.
16. 16. when she starts the cool down you turn the dvd off because you don’t care about stretching.
it actually hurts you to stretch.
17. 17. someone comes to check on you because they hear dying sounds coming from the basement
because you’ve been screaming at your tv for ten minutes and crying.
18. 18. you take a “rest” day after the first day because you don’t want to get an injury
but you have “knee problems.”
19. 19. you convince your friends to do a dvd with you so they can feel your pain
because you know you’ll last longer when you’re all afraid to tell each other that you want to quit.
20. 20. you roll your eyes when anyone talks about how much they love jillian michael’s workouts because you know they’re secretly in as much pain as you are
21. 21. you give major props to the people on biggest loser who have to do her work outs with her in person
you know you would never survive on that show.