46 Thoughts You Have When You First Eat Balut

The first slurp is the deepest.

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1. Oh God, somebody bought balut again.

2. Okay. Might as well try it rather than wonder what could have been all my life, right?

3. But what if I puke?

4. Or die?

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5. Whatever. I'm feeling adventurous today anyways.

6. Besides, I've already downed a couple of beers so why not?

7. Yeah, yeah. I'm a balut virgin. Why do my friends have to make a big deal out of it? Balut virginity is so overrated.

8. So! Fertilized duck eggs, huh? You're not the boss of me!

9. Here goes...

10. Wow, they really look and feel just like regular eggs. But with superpowers—fertilized duck superpowers!

11. How do I crack this open?

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12. How am I supposed to know which side—

13. —oh okay! There you go.

14. OMG there's a liquid soup thing coming out of it!!!

15. Maybe it's the tears of the poor fertilized duckling… Sob…

16. Lemme just remove some more egg shells so I can see what's inside…

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17. Oh God oh God oh God!

18. Is that….

19. A beak?!

20. Okay time to slurp, I guess.

21. Well, that's surprisingly good. Maybe the universe ain't that cruel after all.

22. I will forever worship thee whoever has correctly put the appropriate amount of salt to balut ratio.

23. What's this yellow thing? Me likey!

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24. Mmmm.. Smooth AND creamy. This is what the souls of those innocent fertilized ducklings must taste like.

25. UGH can't I just eat the yellow part, though?

26. Please?

27. Fine, it's not like I haven't eaten duck before anyway.

28. Oh which reminds me, I have to go back to that Chinese restaurant my mom brought me to once.

29. That succulent peking duck… Mmmmm…

30. OK ENOUGH STALLING.

31. I can get through this. WE DO NOT RAISE COWARDS IN MY FAMILY.

32. How could this little itty-bitty duckling cause me harm, anyway?

33. Look at those teeny-tiny—OH GOD IT'S LOOKING AT ME!!!

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34. Okay I guess I'll close my eyes then.

35. Am I getting enough of the duckling?

36. Just enough for me to say I've tasted it but not too much to cause me to puke?

37. OR DIE?

38. Should I call my mom first and tell her I love her?

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39. Okay here goes…

40. I'm so sorry little baby fertilized duckling.

41. Wait.

42. Shouldn't I be gagging right now?

43. Yup, those are feathers. Definitely feathers. I'M EATING DUCKLING FEATHERS.

44. I'M SO HARDCORE RIGHT NOW, TBH.

43. Maybe if I stop munching on it and feeling it with my tongue—should the texture feel this weird?

44. Hey, it wasn't that bad! Good job, self!

45. I feel like I can take on the world now.

46. But not with this smell in my mouth. WTH?