Skip To Content

    19 Things All Unfriendly Black Hotties Know To Be True

    You really can't sit with us.

    The only reason Mean Girls was about The Plastics instead of the Unfriendly Black Hotties is because there'd be WAY too much to fit in a movie.

    1. Some white girl is always coming up to you being all, "Jambo!"

    2. Your social calendar is ALWAYS full.

    3. Yet, people are constantly wondering WHEN you're showing up at their party.

    4. You arrive to things on your own time.

    5. People think you're a fun ruiner because you won't abide white people dancing on the 1 and the 3.

    6. You crop people out of photos because you are constantly feeling your look.

    7. You are constantly deflecting people's attempts to touch you.

    8. People interpret your self-confidence as mean and unfriendly, unless you're a white male CEO being interviewed for a magazine profile.

    9. People are constantly blowing up your social media.

    10. People are constantly pressed for your opinion on the latest music, gossip and pop culture.

    11. People acting like if they touch your hair, they'd be perfectly okay with you reaching into their Herbal Essence of Dead Leaves and Curls.

    12. Just because you're a shade master, people assume every word that comes from your mouth is an insult.

    13. People constantly refer to Africa like it's one big place, but damn if you fail the European map round of Carmen Sandiego.

    14. When people are like, "why do all you black people hang out in a group together?" And you're like, "Don't white people... also..."

    15. Speaking in your own vernacular is considered "hip" instead of just how you talk.

    16. You are constantly swiping left on people's humanitarian Tinder accounts.

    We get it, you like black people!

    17. When people whisper in your ear that ALL lives matter, not just black ones, and you're like, do you need a house to fall on you witch?

    18. You're constantly telling people you're not actually unfriendly, that's just your face.

    19. But you know what... maybe you actually are.