1. Let’s just start it off by easing you into this brain-melting experience. I mean, we’ve all seen this stapler before. You can probably see one RIGHT NOW on your own desk.
2. Wait… WHAT?!? You’re telling me this shit comes in RED?! Very sexy. Very sultry.
4. Woah, mama! Things are really starting to heat up, folks! This guy can staple ANYTHING* with just one touch!
*”Anything” means anywhere from 2–10 sheets of paper. After that things get dicey.
5. Now that you’ve been eased in, we’re going to head deep into weird territory. Like this, the stapler of the future!
Fly away, futuristic spaceboy stapler!
6. For when you don’t have your own cat to lay on top of shit you need to use!
7. You’re not a stapler! You’re just a cute little cuddle bug! How can this be??!?
The world as I understand it is coming undone.
8. OMG!!! *SQUEEL!* There’s no way these can staple! All these can do is make you coodle!
I hope this gets tagged as Buzzfeed CUTE!
9. “Don’t make me angry, paper! You won’t like me when I’m angry!”
For when you get a nasty-ass paper cut, and you just need to fuckin’ lay into that paper and teach it who’s boss.
10. I just broke a tooth trying to eat this. Does anyone have a contact who practices stapler law?
12. Stapling papers is such a headache! Here, use this one. It’ll make you feel better.
13. You’ve GOT to be kidding me. So that’s how they work?!?
The more you know…