When did our skin get so thin?
When did our skin get so thin?
These might inspire copyright infringement lawsuits.
My favorite soda says that I will be young and healthy forever.
My dreams are dead.
Pitbull gets a free fashion faux pas pass because he’s such a great guy.
Well, some things are frozen in time.
An actor doing his own stunts is impressive. But in a world of CGI, I’m more impressed when an actor does his own acting.
Constructive criticism is kinder than silence.
The fly. The flea. The tick. The louse.
The brown recluse. The rat. The mouse.
The termite. The cockroach. The bed bug.
These things we can’t sweep under the rug.
The yellow jacket. The mosquito. The mole.
Maybe the meaning of life is pest control. © 2013 L.E.H.
There’s also the thrill of hearing children innocently repeat what their parents said about the babysitter, like the time a 5-year-old asked me why I never got married.
Save the cheerleader, delete the telepathic turtle.
So much for “going for the gold.”
And yet, we still don’t understand women.
Music? That’s debatable. I’m learning how to play the harmonica.
He’s 51? His hair doesn’t look a day over 21!
Dye it away, dye it away, the gray hair now.
Freudian slip, or wishful thinking?
O yeaaah? Whell, yoo dink tooo munch wyne.
If sugar will be the death of me, then you’ll know I died fat and happy.
More fuel for the fire of feminism!
The Demise of a Golden Dream
They claimed it was back,
the cream-filled sponge cake.
But it was dry and small,
like a rival’s cheap fake.
With just a couple of bites,
I was attending a wake.
This sequel should be called
a sponge-filled mistake. © 2013 L.E.H.
Middle school destroyed my childhood.
Slice n’ Share? Share? Slice n’ Eat… alone, in a locked room.
Projects like these make me wish that I had more money than time.
After all that Twitter has done for us, this is the thanks it gets?! :)
This is not a three-faced man.
Bad hair is better than no hair at all.
My friend could be on this list.
Hey, kids! Let’s get the government to surrender to enthusiasts of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Politicians, playing their parts to help the economy.
I think it’s saying, Please, please, don’t eat me.
My teenage self is wondering why every thing I love dies.
Remember which actors won awards last year? Neither do I.
Please give us more episodes before we realize that we can live without them.
If you’re worried about somebody carrying a weapon in your usual Starbucks, just go to the Starbucks across the street.
Let’s be honest. It’s the marinade, not the eggplant, that tastes delicious.
Telling a woman that she would be pretty if she wore makeup is a polite way of saying she’s ugly.
Well, I’m glad somebody is enjoying fashion week.
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