First, some background: the fine fellas of Dormtainment TV teach us that the first ever roast was held at the Friar's Club in 1949. Actor Maurice Chevalier was the roastee.
Though the Friar's Club held the first formal roast, roasting itself is nothing new and is known by other names.
And it doesn't have to happen in a fancy clubhouse.
You know that a roast is gonna be good when it starts off with The Roast Hand™.
The Roast Hand is universally understood as a declaration of war in roasting circles.
Even babies know about The Roast Hand.
Extra points are given for creativity, so feel free to experiment.
The Roast Hand is also occasionally accompanied by The Roast Face.
The Roast Hand has even hit the suburbs.
When somebody sets their sights on you for a roast, you can try to escape it but you probably won't succeed.
No one is safe. Not even policemen.
NOT EVEN TURKEYS.
You even gotta watch out for Mickey Mouse in these streets.
President Obama has probably roasted a fool or two in his day.
And Forrest Gump secretly had that fire; you can tell.
Be sure to have a celebratory routine in place to punctuate a successful session.
There are rules for the roastees, too: it is very important that you know your vulnerabilities before attempting to roast someone.
Or at least be prepared when it's coming to you and you know it.
When your homies are roasting you but telling the truth, it takes a big person to acknowledge it.
If you're a spectator, you can laugh but don't laugh *too* hard or the Roast Hand will find you.
And don't attempt to fire your gun if it's not loaded, if you catch my drift.
You can't take roasting *too* seriously though.
You might also want to leave them at home when it's time for your homie's funeral.
Remember to prep your babies well.
And make sure they know that if their jokes are fire enough, they just might be immortalized in song.