1. Tried to see how many cups of coffee you could drink before hallucinating
Turns out you have a pretty high tolerance for caffeine at this point.
2. Extended toilet visit
…that was so long it got interrupted by cleaners who thought they were empty
3. Checked BuzzFeed, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and (even!) LinkedIn
And then refresh each one on a 5-minute rolling basis.
4. Started panicking about being found out and deleted all the computer history
FYI: when looking for the article where Vince Cable called London a suction machine draining life out of the UK, do NOT search for “london sucking hole”. Seriously.
5. Went to get a cup of tea and ended up walking around the office looking busy and official
“I am going to the kitchen for tea and now I am going to the toilet and now I must go to the water cooler and then there are these papers I must recycle!”
6. Mindlessly ate your daily calorie allowance’s worth of some random snack that you don’t even like that much because it was there
No semblance of shame.
7. Unsuccessfully navigated an interaction with your office crush
“Did you have a weekend?…wait…”
8. Unsuccessfully navigated an interaction with your office manager
“Sorry, my Excel’s been so weird today…” means: “the only formula I know is =SUM”.
9. Noticed your manager was looking at you
…so typed nonsense into Word to appear like you know what you’re doing
10. Was caught typing said nonsense
I’m limbering my fingers!
11. Got bored and ate your entire lunch by 11.30(am)
It was pretty good though.
- Lawyers for the NFL and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady failed to reach a settlement in the deflategate case. A decision is expected by Friday. ›