26 Things Hillary Clinton Thinks About You

She has opinions.

1. She thinks you should open your eyes and see what the world has to offer.

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2. She wants you to know that if you don’t hurry up, you’re going to make us all late.

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3. She thinks it’s truly pathetic that you blew your last paycheck at a bachelor party in Vegas.

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4. She feels your apartment in the city is really too small. Look at all this space you could have if you moved to the suburbs!

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5. She thinks it’s unacceptable that you missed your curfew and that you’re officially grounded.

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6. She wants you to know that you can keep talking about your idea for “the next Facebook” but she’s not going to listen.

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7. She suggests you might want to rearrange the furniture. The couch would really look better pushed up against the wall.

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8. She thinks you should stop worrying so much and have a drink.

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9. She didn’t think joke wasn’t funny the first five times you made it and thinks that you should probably stop.

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10. She thinks your new haircut looks great! And she thinks you ought to remember that!

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11. She thinks it was real swell that you liked her most recent Facebook photo.

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12. She would like to tell you that this meeting has been going on forever and that you need to call an end to it ASAP.

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13. She wants you to know she will listen to what you have to say in one second, but first she needs to reply to this Tweet.

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14. She feels it’s a real shame you don’t talk to your brother.

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15. She thinks you probably shouldn’t have told her that secret. Too late!

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16. She cannot believe that you went there.

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17. She thinks you should come visit more often. It’s been six months, you know?

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18. She believes you should show your mother just an ounce of respect, okay?

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19. She thinks you should NOT GO INTO THAT ROOM!!

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20. She thinks it’s not a huge deal, but that you probably should have worn a different purse.

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21. She wants you to know you really have no excuse for the fact that you forgot to call your grandmother on her birthday.

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22. She thinks you should shut your mouth before you accidentally tell someone where the secret hiding place is.

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23. She thinks your presentation was fine, but that it would have been better if you’d stayed late to work on it like that other guy.

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24. She thinks that off-color joke you just made was too soon.

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25. She feels — if she heard you right — that quitting your job and driving cross country is a bad idea.

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26. She wants to tell you that you only live once and that drinks are on her tonight!

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